Seasons change, feelings change, beliefs change. How you greet change, how you think about it, makes easy or difficult to deal with.
Some changes creep up on us. For those of a certain age, there probably came a day when you looked in a mirror or caught your reflection and thought, “Who is that old person?” only to realize it was you.
Then there are the times past expectations keep us from seeing change. My husband shaved off his mustache once, and after three days of asking me if I liked the change, he had to point it out to me. I didn’t see it.
Finally, there are the traumatic life experiences that change us painfully and quickly. 9/11 was that type of change for many. Also why there are few atheists in fox holes.
But smaller events can also produce mega-change. The brain changes of adolescent quickly turn many young people from obedient, parent-worshiping children to contrary,” You cannot tell me anything” young people. You know
that has happened when your pre-teen or teen no longer want to be seen with you. The brain changes allow one to see reality more clearly, but also to compare past teaching with their current view of reality. In the child’s mind, parents suddenly seem stupid, liars, or power-hungry.
Notice I do not say these changing brains of puberty turn all teens into adults. That is a slower process. For some it never occurs. For many it emerges after a few years of living on their own. For others it only comes when they become parents.
When change is as fast as a NASCAR racers, it might be exciting and fun. However, when change brings you to your knees or knocks you out, those times “Life Blows” and what the experts call them traumas.
When a Life Blow strikes you down, going on will be a struggle, but if you look back over your life, you will see you have survived the worse of times. Honoring surviving past life blows strengthens your ability to go on.
As you think about the past, remember that Life Blows, need not be life threatening, but all hurt, are beyond your ability to control, and change your beliefs. Here are a few examples that meet that description but are not physically painful or life threatening:
- Being shunned because of your nationality, religion, or skin color.
- Being bullied even mildly
- Betrayal by a friend
- Realizing your parents are not perfect
- Failing in school
Part of surviving such blows is realizing you are dealing with a Life Blow. Then these tips help.
Emotional training tip one: do what you can as you can. Be patient; time does not heal all wounds but usually we mend enough in the broken places to go on.
Emotional training tip two: As always take good care of your body, Life Blows weaken our physical beings making it essential to do all the things your mother and doctor say keep you healthy.
Emotional training tip three: Examine how a Life Blow has changed your view of the world. Life blows challenge our deepest beliefs. Explains why there are no atheists in fox holes. James Garbarino says trauma reveals what he calls the three secret trauma reveals.
The first secret: Each human is vulnerable, our bodies can be hurt, our hearts betrayed, and death comes when it will, not when we want.
The second secret: Love and a caring community cannot always keep us safe. No matter how we are loved and live in what seems to be a safe place, we are still subject to hurt and death.
The third secret: humans are capable of great savagery, can be easily manipulated to inflict Life Blows on others. This is as true of you as of others.
I would add to the third that those who are truly good and kind have been very blessed, but also cursed. Why cursed? Because they will follow the rules of kindness and the more truly evil will not.
Emotional training tip four: Remember what matters. As both the sages and the researchers agree, while evil often seems to triumph the good life really lies in being kind and treating others as you want to be treated. Do not let hurt or the advertisers convince you other wise.
Emotional training tip five: Focus on the good. How? Laugh, play, and create t. Make one of your creations a memory book. Include a few bad memories to accentuate the reality that life is not all good times. Those pages will also honor surviving.
Emotional fitness training tip five: If you life is one of constant physical or emotional pain get the best possible care. . Emotional Fitness Tips augment, but do not replace competent professional help.
Emotional fitness training tip six: Learn acceptance of what you cannot control. One of the best sources of practical help for both acute and chronic suffering is Marsha Linehan’s work, particularly her thoughts on Radical Acceptance.
I was once accused of stealing her ideas, but that was before I had even heard of her. The criticism pushed me to learn about her and to attend a training lead by her. I saw why I was thought to be plagiarizing her and felt honored by the comparison.
The fact is when we suffer, we are the ones who need to deal with it alone or with help from those who care and in some situations professionals.
This post was inspried by this WordPress Daily Prompt Turn, Turn, Turn: Seasons change so quickly! Which one do you most look forward to? Which is your least favorite?
Following my own advice, I try to enjoy the good in each season, work to find the beauty each brings and to accept the not so good.
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO
Remember sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful. Share it even if it doesn’t speak to you, it will speak to some. Didn’t like it? Comment and tell me why and how to improve.
LINKS OF INTEREST
These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.
- Emotional Intelligence (en.wikipedia.org)
- The five components of emotional Intelligence (www.sonoma.edu)
- An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents (amazon.com)
- Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises.