My favorite student of human nature Jerome Kagan lists “chance” as an important factor determining human behavior.  Chances are yours changes day be day.

I love the idea that luck plays are part in everyone’s lives. Gets my past the “just do it” guys who think I can do anything I want.  Just not so.  Moreover, thinking  or believieving  as Oprah once said, “If I made it anyone can” leads to feeling entitled and special.  She would not have made it without some help and luck.

Why is entitlement bad? It reduces the impulse to lend a helping hand, but also makes those who do not succeed feel the fault is theirs.

The middle road works best. We need to control the things we have the power to control and accept the things beyond our control.

Not so simple, but here are some tips that might help.

Emotional Fitness Training Tips

Tip one: Remember what is beyond you ability to control.  Include other people in your list. You might influence people, but that is not control.

Tip two: Know that most of the time you can control your attitude.  Practicing forgiveness and gratitude  have a positive impact on attitude.

Tip three: Practice  kindness . This is almost always a choice you can make and research show being kind has a positive impact on attitude.

Tip four: Stop thinking either/or; think maybe, or yes/and. Why? Because that encourages critical thinking, a more open mind, and both create more options and the more choices the better.

Tip five: Stop negative self talk. Try Sloganneering instead. Use short snappy, slogans when your brain starts in with the negative talk.  One of my favorites remains: “It is all all right.”  When I think that I am reminded that bad things are often lessons and if not lessons the universe at work for all good, not just to satisfy me.

Parenting Tips

Tip one: Noting “Things change” strengthens the child’s ability to get and stay strong. The younger your child, the more s/he lives in now, s/he cries when hurt as if heart-broken, but minutes later can be laughing happily.  

Tip two: As the child grows teaching kindness and gratitude can be done directly.

Tip three: Using the words good luck or bad luck is important when things  go well or badly. If religious, the point needs to be made that prayers are not always answered the way we want.

Tip four: As the teens are entered upon, the quest for a greater understanding develops.  Parents can help by sharing their thoughts about these issues but also encouraging the teen to explore how the sages of the ages have tried to solve this.

Tip five: Be clear that part of getting what you want is setting realistic goals and working hard. Be just as clear that often a bit of luck is also necessary.

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Sharing is caring; so is liking, or commenting. All three help keep me going.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult, but exercises like this one lets me find the good.

Katherine

This post was inspired by this WordPress Daily Prompt title: The Luckiest People.  The prompt itself asked you to write a blog about the first person you saw today. That would be David and we are both luck to have found each other and managed to stick it out through all our good and bad times.

LINKS OF INTEREST

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises (www.emotionalfitnesstraining.com
The five components of Emotional Intelligence (www.sonoma.edu)Emotional Intelligence (en.wikipedia.org)Emotional Fitness Tips for Parents  (parentsarepeopletoo.com)
An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents(amazon.com)