A new me? No thanks

Self-acceptance is a sign of #Emotional_Intelligence.  So amid the many New Year resolutions calling for a new or slightly new you, it might be better to say,  “Thank you, but no Thank You. Me as I am now is good enough.

Cartoon pointing to improving your self talk.

Emotional Intelligence thoughts

Perfection is preached and when we are not perfect, we are too often told to “Just Do it.” When we cannot or choose not to, fingers of blame point in our direction. The most deadly ones are the ones we point.

Jerome Kagan, human development guru, says uncertainty about ourselves gets handled in one of three ways, two of those ways involve pointing a finger of blame somewhere.

  1. We point the finger of blame at ourselves and become depressed.
  2. We point it at  others and become angry.
  3. We can’t figure out where to point it and  so stay in a state of uncertainty, self-doubt, and anxiety.

Stop perfection from ruling your thoughts or getting inside your heart. Not easy, but possible. How? Read on.

Emotional Fitness tips and Exercise

First spend a bit of time listening to your self-talk?  Listen carefully to how you deal with feeling unsure or bad about yourself or another.  Are you a blamer of others or of yourself?  Or do you just live with not being sure you are an okay person?

No matter which you answered, you are being driven by questioning your worth. Yes, blamers also suffer from poor self-esteem.  Professional critics have found a useful way to bolster their self-esteem, but most blamers are dealing as much with their own concerns are the behavior of the other persons.  If they can make someone else look bad, their own doubts fade. Best to work on improving your self-worth. These tips will help.

Tip one: Develop a more forgiving philosophy.  The Buddhists have it right when the say “Its all all right.” Apply that to people using the idea that every person does the best they can with what they have been given.

Personal bests vary according to many things, including time, stress, past experiences, cultural expectations which  include the voices of authority from parents, teachers, religions, and a various gurus including media stars.

FACT – The more harshly you judge others, the more harshly you are judging yourself.

Tip two: Do not accept abuse, always fight evil acts and evil beliefs.  Forgive the person, but not the act or the belief. Not always easy but an ideal to be worked toward.

It has been helpful to me to let both my higher power and courts of law decide matters of criminal or evil behavior that needs punishment; the courts of law must, however be fair and just and many are not.

Of course, when hurtful behaviors occur in my presence, I must do what I can to stop harm to others.  Even then I have to be a just judge and decide what punishments best  fit the unacceptable behavior. Minimally, I need to speak out. When in a position of power (example when caring for my grandchildren) I have a duty to punish unacceptable behaviors. Children are not served well by the parenting gurus who make punishment a dirty word. Properly used,  punishment serves children and the broader world well.   

Tip three: Fight perfectionism.  Very few things in life require precision, let alone perfection.  Moreover, perfection is only occasionally possible for humans.  Think of the Olympic gymnasts or figure skaters. Very few get perfect scores and then not as often as they or their coaches would like.

Tip four: Develop some positive self talk slogans and embed them in your brain. You embed them by repeating time over and over and over again. Here’s an #EmotionalIntelligence strengthening EFTI Poster Coach offering some positive self talk slogans.

#EmotionalIntelligence strengthening EFTI Poster Coach linked to #emotionalfitness exercise regarding self talk.

To use this poster coach, print it up and post it where it will be seen regularly. When you see it, pick one of the slogans, to repeat five or six times.  When possible repeat the slogan aloud, but if that is not possible repeat it inside your head, but do so with conviction. Become your personal cheerleader.

stay strong

Used to sell many things, perfection is a false value; reject it. Moreover, it is available to few and even then is fleeting. Instead of perfection, go for the good.  How? Remember what matters, practice kindness, laugh and play, forgive, and be grateful for all you have been given.

Thank you for all you do, particularly for liking or sharing EFTI’s ideas about staying emotionally strong. Your help might make my dreams come true. Every like or comment helps. Those of you who have downloaded one of my free EFTI posters, thank you, thank you, thank you.  I hope more and more of you will visit the The EFTI Store.  I have been told just browsing the posters lifts some people’s spirits.

Katherine 

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