Hard to apologize when you believe you did no wrong. However, that is perhaps the most important time to apologize and sincerely. How? these tips might help.
Emotional Fitness Tips
Tip one: The more we understand human behavior, the easier it is to look past our own feelings and apologize to another who feels we hurt them.
Best done by understanding the things making us who we are. Current research points to: (1) our genes; (2) our personal experiences including traumas, blessings, and the voices surrounding us; (3) the beliefs we create from our genes and our experiences; (4) what happens when we act on our beliefs.
You are you because of these four things. The one who feels you need to apologize is how s/he is because of the same four things.
Moreover, these four things minglem twist around and influence each other, and so blow you hither and yon, up root or lift you toward the light.
Understanding the winds that shape all, is an important Emotional Intelligence skill. It allows us to not only to apology but to forgive, to make sense of life, and also to stay safe.
Tip two: Part of everyone’s genetic survival makeup as a child is to believe what is is normal. A beaten child thinks beatings are normal. An overindulged child thinks his or her wishes must always be met.
You may think some things should never hurt; another may think those things are emotional knife wounds plunged into their heart.
Tip three: Apologize for the hurt, but not necessarily any thing else. “I am sorry what I did (said) hurt you” is often enough to satisfy the hurt person.
Tip four: Hopefully, you did not intend the hurt. If you did it is time to examine what you hoped to gain. The only allowable hurt to others are those needed to keep you or another safe.
Moreover, our brains are hyper alert to danger and often trick us into acting as if our lives are in danger, when only our egos might be a bit bruised.
Tip five: Be proactive, not reactive. Beef up your self-soothing skills, take some self-defense courses that focus on conflict resolution . Peace Dojos International are one such group.
My book, When Good Kids Get You In A Gotcha War, although for parents, is useful for all and today is offered on Kindle for only $0.74. A bargain.
Tip six: Exchange truth for opinion. Yes, there are what some call “Brute facts.” These, however, are not necessarily scientific truths. Think of the solid paths we walk across – floors, cement, hard packed dirt, rocky cliffs. What seems solid might be anything and could in an instant cast you down.
Most arguments that lead to the need to apologize are not matters of fact. It helps to build a philosophy that facts are few, opinions many.
Spend sometime training yourself to ask “fact or opinion?” Social media or any advertisement are good places to start.
Thank You For All You Do
Thank me by remembering sharing is caring; so is liking, or commenting. Your caring keeps me going.
Also, if you did not find it helpful, comment and tell me what might have made it more useful.
This post was inspired by this WordPress Daily Prompt Apology
LINKS OF INTEREST
These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.
Emotional Intelligence (en.wikipedia.org)
The five components of Emotional Intelligence (www.sonoma.edu)
Emotional Fitness Tips for Parents (parentsarepeopletoo.com)
An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents(amazon.com)