This links you to a post about the Grammar Police as well as others who edit you. Being edited creates the need to practice several Emotional Fitness Exercises.
emotional fitness thoughts about editing
I am an aging dysgraphic. For those not in the know, my brain spells and punctuates using a unique system all its own. The problems is found sprouting in the earliest of my ancestral genetic tree. Aging means the problems increase.
I have also published 21 books, thanks to word processing, spell check, and editors from heaven. Needless to say I loved this post which calls for being kind when editing.
Think it is also important to recognize that grammatical errors bother editors and editor-like people more than the rest of us. So I forgive even the power hungry tyrants who spend more time pointing out errors than searching for nuggets of wisdom.
EMOTIONAL FITNESS TRAINING TIPS ON EDITING OTHERS
I live with an editor. Not paid, not editing grammar, but editing me. In fact, I married him because he was honest about what he liked and didn’t like. I grew up in a home where if you could not say anything nice, you didn’t say anything at all. And yes, what you love someone for in the beginning can fray a bit as time passes. We are lucky the fraying factor has been outweighed by the love factor. Helps that he laughs, makes me laugh, praises the good more as well as pointing out the bad. Living with my editing man along with dysgraphia has taught me a few things about surviving editing that might be helpful to all.
Tip one: Most editors have a brain wired for perfection. Such brains attract a mental health label known as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. All such labels reflect a continuum of human behavior. At the most painful end of OCD are those who can’t get out of the house because they have to check a 100 times to make sure the stove is off. In the middle are the editors, perfectionists, and over worriers about doing things just right. These contribute much to society.
At the opposite end are the OCD spectrum are those who echo Rhett Butler’s “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.
All this information to say, be kind, particularly to those at the end of the spectrum.
Tip two: Work on understanding we humans do the best we can. That is a hard concept when applied to some but allows you to practice forgiveness, an essential for staying emotionally strong.
I think of forgiveness as does Bishop Tutu: nothing more than deciding not to seek revenge, to do to the other what was done to you. I can never forgive the acts of a Hitler, but I can forgive the man. He became who he became not by choice, but by the personal path he walked and the readiness of his world to hate the some groups and believe the world would be better off with out them. He could not have done what he did without the consent and encouragement of most around him. Looking with a critical eye at cultures and religions makes forgiving individuals easier.
Tip three: Whether you are a paid editor or an everyday critic. Remember to say what has to be said, but as kindly as possible.
Tip four: Editing and criticsim needs to be leavened with praise. Five to one is what John Gottman says. But that really depends on the individual. I like a ratio of one and a half to one.
Tip five: Take the lessons you can use from criticism, leave the rest behind. Often it says more about the critic than about you.
From the time we start crawling others are editing us. Our parents do it out of love to keep us safe and prepare us for the real world. Others are not so kind, but a fact of life is you will be edited. If not by one then by another. Look for the lessons and leave the rest behind. Self-soothing skills make being editing easier. So think of buying my newest book: Self-soothing: Create Calm in Your Life.
As always thank you for all you do.