My father was a stuffer, my husband is a ranter ; neither smash, both seek justice. My mother stuffed and then had emotionally damaging (to me at least) verbal tirades. She was also seeking justice on a personal level and partially driven by the hormones of her menstrual cycle. Sad to say I sometimes followed in her path, also driven by the hormones of the month.
Earlier–before I knew this was the topic of the day–I posted a picture of a stone war club and asked people to remember that stones make cathedrals as well as weapons, and that is we the people who decide, just as we can decide to make war or peace. It is the same with anger–anger is constructive or destructive depending on how you express it. That has long been known. Aristotle’s quote being to the point: ““Anyone can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person at the right time, and for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not within everyone’s power and that is not easy.”
In my Emotional Fitness Training, Inc business, I call my anger management program Righting Wrongs. Anger is a signal that something is wrong. All feelings are signals and feelings are only destructive if mis-interpreted or when they control or own you. A feeling owns you when you act on its urging without thinking. Emotional fitness is built on six skills: feeling awareness, feeling measurement, self-soothing, thinking, acting wisely, and letting go. All are designed to keep any feeling from owning you and leading you down any number of thorny paths.
Two Staying Strong Tips: Number one: When you are getting angry, slow down, try not to do anything in the heat of anger. Not always easy to do. Particularly hard when someone else needs to pick a fight and show their power over you. But minimal response is a useful response to anger why you think about what is wrong and how to best correct it. Here is a link to a Wikihow I started calling How to Win A Gotcha War it talks about minimal response.
Number two: Always think of anger as covering a deeper issue that needs resolving. Who hurts, who feels unjustly treated, who feels powerless, who is frightened and who feels ashamed or guilty are usually the feelings driving anger and it is more useful to deal with them than to stay anger.
Stay strong, share and care.