What unpaid emotional debts do I carry in my heart?
Five people come to mind. Two men who loved me, well not really and perhaps that was the problem. These loved the image of me–love at first sight which these confessed feeling for me, has always seemed to be love of some image, not the real person. Love has to be knowing someone over time–knowing flaws, strengths, successes, failure. At the time I was young and didn’t know how to reject unwanted advances gracefully. So I was mean. Sorry, guys. Hope you found what you were looking for. You were great, the problem was me.
The other three were women friends–good friends for a long, long time and then my life changed, our needs conflicted and I couldn’t meet theirs. Two were fairly needy, one was not, but I couldn’t be what any one of them wanted. Ultimately, I abandoned all three. . One is dead, the other vanished. But one remains in my circle and would still like my friendship. Confession: carrying the guilt of the debt is easier than re-establishing the friendship. Failed caring on my part. So no relief from that and I know in my heart, I can’t repay. So I will live with owing. I already have for many years. Proof guilt doesn’t kill and doesn’t always get you to do the right thing. Stay strong. I’m trying.
Topic #91: Describe a debt you have yet to repay.