Temperament Is How You Become You and How Others Become Who They Are
Emotional Intelligence Tips To Strengthen All Your Relationships
Biology including temperament is one of the four contributors to how we become who we are. The other three are personal experiences within an environment, the beliefs we form about the world and life in general, and the way we act. Each contributor influences the other three; sometimes biology is the main contributor. Think sex, race, or skin color as well as temperament.
Temperament is part of our inherited biology; it can be somewhat moderated by what those in our environment believe about a trait. Shyness can be thought of as a bad trait and the opposite of bold or courageous: but it can also be thought of as thoughtful and careful.
I was a shy child, but my mother’s constant mantra “Nothing ventured, nothing gained” pushed me to try when my shyness said know. Then I experienced various degrees of success with moving beyond shyness. Areas where I did not experience a success, remain sources of shyness or holding back.
Temperament differences impact relationships in good and bad ways. A child born with what is called a difficult temperament makes parenting more of a chore than a child born with an easy temperament.
The Danes are reputed to have happier children than most, and that is attributed to some of their parenting skills. But as they have a rather homogeneous gene pool it might also be that both the child and the parents easy-going temperaments.
Other ways temperament impact relationships include how we are drawn to people. A shy person might be drawn to a bold person. That can be good if it boosts the shy person’s courage; bad if the bold person likes to dominate. Boldness can be good, but not if it leads to reckless and dangerous behavior.
Not familiar with temperament? Here is a quick introduction. When trying to figure out someone’s temperament, the experts look at these nine traits:
1. Activity level
2. Regularity of bodily functions
3. Sensitivity to stimuli—what some call pain threshold
4. Response level
5. Approach to other people
6. Response to change
7. Ability to persist aka frustration tolerance
8. Ability to stay focused
Here is a quick test to help you think about your temperament. Five is always the mid-point between the two extremes. Are you?
1. Low energy 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 High energy
2. Regular and predictable bodily functions 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 egular
3. Sensitive to stimuli 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Not sensitive
4. Loud reactor 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Quiet reactor
5. Cautious (Shy) 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Bold
6. Does not like change 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Eager for change
7. Gives up easily 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Doesn’t know when to quit
8. Easily distracted 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Highly Focused
9. Sad or irritable most of the time 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Mostly cheerful
What Are The Most Common Temperaments
These are generally used in reference to children, but I have found them equally helpful when it comes to adults.
The Easy Temperament has regular eating, sleeping, elimination cycles, a positive approach response to new situations, can accept frustration with little fuss and adapt to change quickly, and finally, are cheerful most of the time.
The Difficult Temperament has irregular eating, sleeping, and elimination cycles, so not handle change well, are easily frustrated, loud reactors when unhappy, and a negative mood.
The Slow-to-Warm-Up Temperament – has a negative response in new situations but slowly learns to accept such events with repeated exposure.
Emotional Fitness Training Tips
Tip one: Know your temperament and the temperament of those you care for. If you are a parent, this is particularly important.
Tip two: When you or those you care about have an Easy Temperament, be grateful, be very grateful. AND be more tolerant of those who are not so blessed.
Tip three: When you have a Difficult Temperament work harder to practice patience and kindness.
Tip four: When you have a Slow-to-Warm-Up Temperament, try moving into new situations a bit faster, AND if you cannot do that ask the bolder ones in your life, to be a bit more patient.
Tip five: As always strengthen your self soothing skills. My 12 Daily Emotional Fitness Exercises are research based and easy to practice self-soothing exercises. New to this idea or this blog? Go here for an introduction to the 12 Daily Exercises or spend $2.99 for my e-Book Self-soothing:How To Create Calm In Your Life.
Thank you and stay strong: Practice Kindness right now by liking, commenting, or sharing this and EFT posts.
Links of Interest
Emotional Intelligence (en.wikipedia.org)
- The five components of emotional Intelligence (www.sonoma.edu)
- An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents (amazon.com)
- Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises.
Disclaimer one: Emotional Fitness Training is not therapy. Even the most learned researchers and therapists quarrel about much. Take their advice and mine carefully. Don’t just listen to your heart, but also think; don’t just think, listen to your heart. Heart and head working together increase the odds you will find useful advice amid all the promises and hopes pushed at you be others. As others have noted, take what seems useful, leave the rest.
Disclaimer two: Forgive my grammatical errors If you need perfect posts, you will not find them here; I will understand if you don’t follow, like or share what like me. Not only am I dealing with an aging brain, but all of my life I have been plagued by dysgraphia–a learning disability, Some of my posts might be peppered with bad spelling, poor punctuation, and worse words that make no sense. If you want to hang in with me, thank you; you are kind. If a post doesn’t make sense or bugs you too much, stop reading, I will understand.