Fear walls us in, puts a fence around us, and makes us feel safe. But too often the fences turn into narrow cages. Fears are not always false. Fear is a survival tool that is needed.
To keep fear from trapping us, we must cross the border of false fears. What traps or encloses us most strongly are the false fears fueled by what hurts we suffered as children. Those hurts live and become fear of what might hurt. The strongest of those fears are of being rejected or found wanting.
Finally, the scary actions or tales of those around us can also linger in our brain as false fears. A personal example: one of my older brothers loved jumping out from a hiding place and scaring me. Usually, the hiding place was behind me. Now when nervous or anxious, my back begins to prickly increasing my fear.
What to do? Try these tips.
Emotional Fitness Tips for Escaping Superficial Fears
Tip one: Sort out current fears from past fears. Make a list of all that scared or hurt you as a child. Then rate those hurts and fears in terms of current reality. 1 is no current reality, 2 is a bit of current danger, and 3 danger.
Tip two: All false fears need to be faced and acted against. The researchers know that doing the opposite of what a strong feeling wants you to do is wisest at least 99.9% of the time. Shy? Force yourself to go out and talk to strangers. Afraid to speak up at a meeting or in a class? Speak up.
Tip three: Improve your self-soothing skills. Buying my eBook, Self-soothing to Bring Calm to Your Life shows you how to add to your self soothing skills. It costs 3.06 and you can buy it now by clicking on the link.
Tip four: Think about taking a good self-defense course. Doing so will build your confidence and keep you much safer than building a fence around your fears. Explore Peace Dojos for what to look for in a self-defense course.
Tip five: Remember what matters. What others think of you matters much less than what you think of yourself and how you act. In fact, most others are thinking of themselves, not you. Having a mission that promotes kindness and caring buffers you from the slings and arrows of other people’s opinions.
Tip six: Get help when help is needed. If the self-help tips I promote do not help, more is needed. That more could be a support group, a coach, a counselor, a therapist, of even medication. afraid of the stigma attached to seeking help. A false fear. No one gets anywhere on their own.
Thank you for all you do
Remember to share all you find of value on the internet. All who post crave recognition. A like says “Thank You.” Comments say you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: the blogger, the people you share with, and you for your kindness blesses you.
Post Inspiration: This post was inspired by a WordPress Daily Prompt: Border
Links of Interest
These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.
- Emotional Intelligence (en.wikipedia.org)
- The five components of emotional Intelligence (www.sonoma.edu)
- About Emotional Fitness Training (emotionalfitnesstraining.com)
- An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents (amazon.com)
Even the most learned researchers and therapists quarrel about much. Take their advice and mine carefully. Don’t just listen to your heart, but also think; don’t just think, listen to your heart. Heart and head working together increase the odds you will find useful advice amid all the promises and hopes pushed at you be others. As others have noted, take what seems useful, leave the rest.
Disclaimer two: Forgive my grammatical errors
If you need perfect posts, you will not find them here; I will understand if you don’t follow, like or share what like me. Not only am I dealing with an aging brain, but all of my life I have been plagued by dysgraphia–a learning disability, Some of my posts might be peppered with bad spelling, poor punctuation, and worse words that make no sense. If you want to hang in with me, thank you; you are kind. If a post doesn’t make sense or bugs you too much, stop reading, I will understand.