A Bitter Truth: Failing friendships do not necessarily turn to hatred; however, the pain your strength or good fortune creates in a friend can disrupt the friendship. Then the friendship is in danger of becoming a lost treasure.
Emotional Fitness Training Tips
Tip one: Think about how your good life might make your friend feel. Happily pregnant or parent of three children while you friend struggles with infertility? Great job while your friend hates his? Buying another new car while your friend’s clunker is ten years old?
Tip two: Try feedback Feedback does not confront the problem head-on. Moreover, it leaves the option of responding to the other person. Here’s one, “We used to meet more often, I miss hearing from you.”
Tip three: Communication is response and if there is no response to feedback, try setting a date to meet. “I know how busy we both can get, how about setting a date for a get together.”
Tip four: Sooner or later, if nothing else has worked, try a Care Plan intervention. Confront, Ally, Review, and Expect the Best.
- Confront the problem openly: “We seem to be drifting apart, I am confused and hurt.”
- Ally with your friend, “I know how busy you are and how difficult your life has become.”
- Review your concerns: “I do not want our friendship to die, if I can do something different to make things better please let me know.” Listen to any suggestions your friend makes; abide by them as best you can.
- Expect the best.
Tip five: If nothing changes repeat the Care Response at least once. I use a three strike, three out, three innings depending on what the friendship means to me.
Tip six: If the friendship continues to diminish, rearrange your behavior and your attitude. When the other person cannot or will not change, you can do a number of things to preserve your feelings and the friendship.
- You can distance emotionally from the person.
- Do what you can to maintain contact without any effort on their part. Remember birthdays, write “catch up letters”, use the internet if you both are uses.
- Protect your feelings by improving your self-soothing skills. Buy my eBook devoted to creating calm in your life. Costs only $2.99 which is less than a latte.
- Practice forgiveness. No one is perfect and we all do the best we can when we can, so forgiveness of the other and of yourself is essential to preserve what is good in any relationship.
Thank you for all you do
Remember to share all you find of value on the internet. All who post crave recognition. A like says “Thank You.” Comments say you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: the blogger, the people you share with, and you for your kindness blesses you.
Post Inspiration: This post was inspired by a WordPress Daily Prompt: Treasure
Links of Interest
These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.
- Emotional Intelligence (en.wikipedia.org)
- The five components of emotional Intelligence (www.sonoma.edu)
- About Emotional Fitness Training (emotionalfitnesstraining.com)
- An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents (amazon.com)
Even the most learned researchers and therapists quarrel about much. Take their advice and mine carefully. Don’t just listen to your heart, but also think; don’t just think, listen to your heart. Heart and head working together increase the odds you will find useful advice amid all the promises and hopes pushed at you be others. As others have noted, take what seems useful, leave the rest.
Disclaimer two: Forgive my grammatical errors
If you need perfect posts, you will not find them here; I will understand if you don’t follow, like or share what like me. Not only am I dealing with an aging brain, but all of my life I have been plagued by dysgraphia–a learning disability, Some of my posts might be peppered with bad spelling, poor punctuation, and worse words that make no sense. If you want to hang in with me, thank you; you are kind. If a post doesn’t make sense or bugs you too much, stop reading, I will understand.