An emotional fitness fact. Some friends give more than others, but no friendship survives when one friend does all the giving.
Emotional fitness thoughts about friendships
A shrink once described me as excessively loyal. I chose that to mean I worked hard to care and share and observe the Golden Rule of all the ages and sages: To treat others as I want to be treated.
I have given up personally on five real-life friends. I think I did so with honor for before de-friending them I let them know the friendship was in danger if they could not be a bit more giving toward me. I did my three strikes, meaning three warnings before calling “Out, Game Over, Friendship ended.”
EMOTIONAL FITNESS tips about friendships
Tip one: Accept that friendships and all relationships are unequal. All involve givers and takers.
Tip two: Know whether you are a giver or a taker or a mix.
Tip three: Remember John Gottman’s 5 to 1 rule. The best relationships are those where the positives outweigh the negatives five times to one.
Tip four: If you are a giver you probably find giving to be a positive experience. You are in danger of giving too much.
Tip five: If you are a giver, get clear on what you need back to keep on giving.
Tip six: If you are a taker, you are in danger of not giving at all. Make an effort to give back more.
Tip seven: If you are a taker, you are also in danger of wearing people out.
Tip eight: If you are either a giver or a taker, and decide to end a relationship because the balance is wrong for you, do not just vanish. Use my three strike rule. Strike one, express your need; strike two if after a reasonable amount of time your needs still are not be met, warn that the next strike will be Out, Game over, Friendship ended.
Tip nine: For some relationships, the three strike rule might go one for nine innings or more. People too often rush to divorce or worse instead of hanging in and trying to work things out.
Children can never be written off. That might mean no longer living with, not tolerating abuse, not enabling, but also means doing all the other little things that say you care.
Tip ten: Slightly different rules apply to social media relationships but giving back still matters and is easier. It amazes me how few really good posts – not mine – but a great many others that I read go un-liked. Makes me doubly appreciative when people like or comment on my posts, but saddens me also.
You and you alone are responsible for your happiness, feeling loved, feeling good about yourself. Keep that in mind before deciding “Game Over” for any relationship.
And yes, I am writing about this to encourage a few more friends, particularly those I support to join tomorrow’s party. Remember it is a drop – in party. If I signed you up for one of the groups I have made it very easy for you to pop by at any time and see what has been happening. You can even stop by later in the week.
Of you don’t want to be part of a group. Just go to the group and un-join.
The Be With Beauty Contest. And I do need some more photographer’s posting here. Remember the prize is a free Pinterest Savvy e-Book.
For all of you who have supported this experiment of mine, you have warmed my heart and kept me strong. I hope I do the same for you. For those of you who are annoyed by my posts and my experimenting; please feel free to un-subscribe, un-friend, or strengthen your emotional fitness by practicing forgiveness.