What’s your feeling temperature right now? Most of today? The past week or so? See if a negative feeling is getting to you. Take your feeling temperature.
Feelings are signals telling you to be aware so you can stay safe.
That’s the good news. The bad news? Signals are not always clear and are often misinterpreted. More bad news: Feelings want you to act as they command; the stronger the feeling the more likely you will not stop to think and so end up doing something you regret. When that happens, the feeling has bossed you. Strengthening your Emotional Intelligence helps you stay cool and in charge.
How do feelings want you to behave?
Fear wants you to run away
Anger wants you to fight
Pain wants you to numb yourself.
Pleasure wants more.
All other feelings are variations of these four. at least I find it most helpful to think that way when it comes to controlling my feelings.
Tips To Help You Stay The Boss Of All Feelings.
Tip one: Think before acting on any strong feeling.
Thinking before acting is the main game plan for becoming the boss of all feelings. Your parents and teachers were right when they tried to pound this into your head. I hated being told that as I suspect every human of a certain age did. Easier to act on instinct or emotional, but not wiser as I have learned throughout the years.
Tip two: Take a feeling temperature to become more aware of all your feelings.
Feeling awareness is the first of the six Emotional Fitness Training skills.
Tip three: Start self-soothing when any feeling starts growing in intensity.
Notice the Anger Feeling Thermometer is like a traffic light: green says okay, yellow says be careful, and red says stop. All feeling wanting to boss you are best controlled when they first visit which is when the yellow light starts blinking. Why worry about good feelings? Think addictions or any over-indulgence.
Tip four: Act the opposite of what a strong feeling wants you to do.
Fear wants you to run, Instead of running stay and face what you fear.
Anger wants you to fight? Practice kindness instead.
Pain wants you to numb out. Instead acknowledge what hurts, strengthen your pain tolerance and seek medical help for unbearable pain. This is particularly important for the words others hurl at you that hurt. Safe places are needed to avoid physical attacks, but your best safe place from other stings and arrows is inside your head. The old saying “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me” was a wise one.
Pleasure wants more, step back to moderation.
Tip five: Remember what matters.
As the researchers and the sages of the ages know the what matters remains doing the best you can to make the world, and your corner of it more peaceful.
Thank you for all you do. Practice Kindness and share, comment, or like this post. Go here for An introduction to Emotional Fitness Training.
LINKS OF INTEREST
- Emotional Intelligence (en.wikipedia.org)
- The five components of Emotional Intelligence (www.sonoma.edu)
- An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents (amazon.com
The first and most important: Emotional Fitness Training is a self-help and coaching program. It is not therapy. Nor does it replace therapy when therapy is needed. If the exercises and support provided here do not help you gain control of negative feelings, more may be needed. Support groups, coaching, and therapy are other paths to emotional fitness.
Anyone with suicidal thoughts, thoughts of harming other people, or who engage in harmful or dangerous out-of-control behaviors needs to get professional help. Anyone with serious suicidal or homicidal plans need an immediate psychiatric evaluation. Call a suicide hot line if you are unsure of where or how to get help. Suicidal hotlines USA. Life can be better.
The second: I have dysgraphia, a learning disability that peppers my writing with mis-spelling and punctuation errors. All my books are professionally edited. Not so my blog post. Although I use all the grammar and spelling checks, mistakes slip by. If they bother you, seek another source of support for life’s less savory moments. Life is to short to let problems you can avoid irate you.