Homeless in your heart?

Happy where you live and where you work? Lucky you. Not happy in either place, think you can do deserve better?  Is this you?

I'm not depressed, I just see reality clearly.

Image by writing-the-wrongs.blogspot.com. Thank you

EMotional fitness thoughts and tips

A brute face of life being happy where you live or work, is a matter of luck.  One bit of bad luck is living where your are told everyday, “Anything is possible” You  just have to work hard and be passionate enough about fulfilling your dreams.  Not true and mostly preached by the Ad-persons who want you to be dissatisfied so you will buy more. 

The antidote?  Savoring the good when you can.  Often the good can be found in good memories.

Thank you Daily Prompt for this one : Daily Prompt: Our House   The prompt asked:  What are the earliest memories of the place you lived in as a child?

Thinking about my childhood home brought me to the topic of savoring  good memories and working to put aside bad memories.

One of my earliest memories was as a toddler. My father was painting the green and white picket fence that surrounding the house of the moment. My mother and brothers were elsewhere: Dad was on the street side of the fence, and I was on the inside basking in the sun and glorying in having my father all to myself. Freud might make something of that, no matter.

That particular  memory is a good one, but not all memories connect to that house are good ones. In fact it was a house owned by my mother’s father. He had promised if they fixed it up, he would give it too him.  He died suddenly and fairly young; according to my brother the papers to sign the house over to my parents were on his desk waiting to me signed.  A terrible blow and my parents never managed to own a home. So that  brings me today’s post. What do I want to remember about that house?

Our brains are programmed to dwell on bad thoughts and bad memories. Why? To remind us to stay away from danger. Useful when danger exists, but the brain treats almost every unpleasant thought or event as if a tiger was running toward you.  So you have to work hard to ignore most negative thoughts. and bad memories.  Add to that the fact  the psycho-babble about unhappy childhoods being the cause of most adult unhappiness. Not helpful. Better to strengthen good memories and use them as a resource.  Here’s how:   

Tip one: Improve your feeling awarenss.  The easiest way to do this is by taking your feeling temperature regularly.  Here is a feeling thermometer. 

Measuring happiness on a feeling thermometer

You can download this free at the EFTI store. Print it up in color on card stock and post it where you will see it off and on throughout your day.

When you see, it take a calming breath and take your feeling temperature.

If you are feeling better than good or great, savor the moment.  If feeling not so good, remind yourself “Feelings come and go.”

Tip two: Do a good memory search. Best time to start this is when your feeling temperature is good or better.

Also helps to set aside time each day to search for and enjoy some good memories.  Sit somewhere quiet and OMM for a minute.  That means do EFTI’s One Minute Meditation.  You’ll find directions for that here. Then breathe normally and ask yourself “What good memory can I recall now?”  Enjoy.

If a bad memory tries to interfere, just refocus your thoughts on the good. With practice that will get easier and easier.

Tip three: Build a good memory book.  You can do this in your mind, but also in a journal or scrap-book.  Use pictures, mementos, and consider journaling – writing out the good memory.

Tip four:  Create a safe place for reviewing your good memories.  Create a physical safe place as well as one in your mind safe.  Here are directions for creating a safe place in your mind.

Tip five: Be patient.  The more you use or build good memories the stronger they grow and the more they can keep negative thoughts and memories from destroying what is good. That will not happen, however, if you do not work at finding and savoring what has been good in your life.

STAY STRONG

As always thinking about what matters matters. Two things seem to matter a great deal in staying emotionally strong.  One is being grateful. The second is practicing kindness. These are both Emotional Fitness Exercises.

Finally, as always thank you for all you do to support my efforts to make a difference by liking, commenting or sharing this post.

Katherine

9 Comments

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