Honesty is both the bedrock and the lava of all relationships. Honesty either burns you or keeps your relationship rock solid. You need to know when to lie.
Emotional Fitness Thoughts
Leadership gurus starting with parents, teachers, preachers, bosses, coaches, and ending with politicians caught up in the happiness craze believe when the truth might hurt, lies are better. Not my idea of how to build trust and lay the foundation for a good relationship.
My father was born to praise. His Golden Rule: “If you can’t say anything nice, shut your mouth.” Not as great as you think. Why?
I never was sure where I stood. I knew in my heart, I was not always praiseworthy. Confession: one of the reasons I fell for the man I married and stayed married to as he tells it like it is. No doubt at all where you stand.
And, of course, there are times I would like him to shut his mouth. But, I rely on the fact that he says what he means and means what he says and that is a better foundation than not knowing what someone who has your heart in their possession really thinks.
Reality check: Honesty is not always the best policy and lies come in many sizes and shapes. Some lies promote caring relationships; others destroy the most caring relationship.
“Be kind lies” are those little white lies that skirt the truth but make someone feel better without doing harm.
Lies of omission can be good or bad. Good when the information will do no good; bad when the attempt is to deceive.
“Selling something” lies can be either good or bad. Helping sell someone on their worth is good. Hiding or lying or distorting benefits or dangers to sell a product is bad.
Then there are “necessary lies” that keep people safe. Your child is kidnapped. Your are arranging to deliver the ransom with the kidnapper; you tell him the police are not involved when one is sitting next to you. Another necessary lie: your country is at war, you withhold information necessary to safe guard troops.
Good lies do no harm, bad lies harm. That is simplistic, but remains the core of knowing when and how to lie.
EMOTIONAL fiTNESS TIPS
Here are five tips to help you be an effective liar.
Tip one: Tell as few lies as possible. As the bedrock of long term relationships, honesty matters.
Tip two: Be aware of when you are lying and why.
Tip three: If you are lying to cover up some wrong you did, stop misbehaving. Confessing might be helpful, might not. If you confess make that matter by apologizing correctly. Here is reminder of how to apologize properly.
Tip four: Learn the art of saying what you mean, meaning what you say, but not saying it mean. How? Keep your tone of voice gentle, your face loving, your words, and end with a possitive.
Tip five: When you find another has lied to you, practice forgiveness, but trust less, at least for a while.
When I was a foster parent, I extended trust and believed what I was told until a had proof a child was lying. Then I would pick when to believe that child. I made it a point to not believe one who had lied to me when I knew s/he was telling the truth. Enraging, but a lift of my eyebrows and a quiet reminder of the lie drove an important life lesson home.
The tips seem easy, but the fact is lying can become an easy out and a bad habit. The “Be Kind” Lies can get you into lying more and more often. What to do? You need not take truth serum, but you can stop the “Be Kind” lies first.
The harder ones to stop are those covering wrong doing for you need to stop doing wrong. Not always easy and if you find yourself continuing to having to lie about wrong doing, get some help.
FUEL MY HOPES: Be kind to me, share, rate, like, or comment and get kindness badges for you, and others. Kindness is an Emotional Fitness Exercise. Click here for all 12 Daily Emotional Fitness Training Exercises.
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LINKS OF INTEREST
- Trusting relationships (psychcentral.com)
- 12 Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises (amazon.com)
- Emotional Intelligence (en.wikipedia.org)
- WordPress Daily Prompts (wordpress.com)
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Word Press’s Post of the Day: Truth Serum: You’ve come into possession of one vial of truth serum. Who would you give it to (with the person’s consent, of course) — and what questions would you ask?
My answer: Probably the President and the question would what lies have you been telling us and why?