Your brain is designed to keep you safe and so hoards bad memories; makes letting go of the bad harder. Sneaky self-hypnosis.  Practicing Gratitude helps..


Reality makes this hard at times. Think about loved ones you have lost through betrayal or death.  Grief and hurt rule. Emotional Fitness is not about denying hurt; trying to is futile and only drives it underground where it builds up steam and erupts.  Emotional fitness is about feeling your feelings, seeing them as tools for leaning, or moments to be enjoyed.

Feelings serve as signals and painful ones that signal trauma or a life blow can signal so loudly, you are stopped from feeling any thing else. Then all you can do is wait. You cannot even cry or howl. n time you move on. Soon you do more than stand silent; you move on. Some move on by getting angry, others numb out, others howl in despair or cry as if their hearts are broken.

I am one who cries, and it is always with the  I will never be able to stop my tears.  Not what happens.  Life blows can get you howling or crying for far longer than you like. I know some who can weep uncontrollably for what seems like hours.  I go for about twenty minutes.

Reality check: Our genes often determine how long it takes to stop life blow tears or anger or despair.  The healthy is to express the pain as pain. However,   some never cry, but rage. Anger is a shield against hurt.  Feeling the hurt is more productive but not if you wallow in as a victim.

Those who never cry pr rage might be numbed out and that is far from good.  These need to work to improve  both their ability to feel and to better tolerate painful feelings so they can better enjoy the good ones.

Apply the following parenting tips to your inner child.


Parenting tip one:  Temperament plays a strong part in determining how pain is handled. Learn your child’s temperament traits.  Doing so will increase your awareness of his or her way of being. For example, if you have a child that cries long and hard; the traits of persistence and intensity are at work. However, if you have a child who seems to bounce up quickly from hurts, s/he is on the lower end of the intensity trait. Makes for boldness and in a persistent child  makes him or her harder to discipline.

Parenting tip two: Work to moderate strong traits. Temperament can be moderated.  My inner being is shy, but I have been on Oprah, so my parents mantra pushing me a bit, but not too much paid off.   Bold risk taking children can be taught caution. Stubborn children to make wise choices. Teach feeling awareness, taking a feeling temperature, and self-soothing  are the skills to build.

Parenting tip three:  Think about goodness of fit in all relationships.  A bold parent will find a shy child harder to deal with than a bold child. Friends often compliment each others temperment. A good of fit with a teacher’s style often determines what a child learns at school.

Parenting tip four:  Hold on to good memories; help your child do the same. Recalling fun times, reviewing pictures of good times, collecting some mementos and making memory books are way to do this.




Don’t think you can afford a life coach? Like a life coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters.  To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often.  Poster Coaches can also be used at  Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters.


Keep working to stay strong, I work hard to do the same . As noted above,  I am not perfect, no one is and this week;s post will be all about praising imperfection.

Remember’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Thank you.



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