How To Be A Victor, Not A Victim

Victims of things like earthquakes who pick up the shattered shards of their lives and go on are victors. Victors vacate the land of  Victimhood as soon as possible .









Emotional Fitness Thoughts and Tip

Victim is most broadly defined as …”a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action,”   but the definition extends often to mean mostly when the suffering act is created by  another person.

Victimhood  most potent brew is mixed when the suffering comes because of the actions of more powerful others target members of a group suffering from the ills of poverty, racism, or religious persecution – witness  protests surrounding the police or solders whose efforts to serve and protect lead to the death of a civilian or many civilians.

When trying to thinking about victims, here another quote is worth thinking about; this one by   S. I. Hayakawa, “If you see in any given situation only what everybody else can see, you can be said to be so much a representative of your culture that you are a victim of it.”

Hayakawa is talking about herd mentality which starts by hanging around with those who think like you do and that begins with your parents and their friends, those in your neighborhood, and when you move into your teens or early adulthood your peer group.

Teens are young adults are those most easily pulled into “wilding behavior.”  Wilding originally meant a cultivated plant that escaped its gardener’s control.  Fits well with the efforts of teens and young adults to escape the confines of family.

Emotional fitness tip one: Question the crowd, particularly your crowd, and your crowd’s interpretation of events.  Jerome Kagan, Harvard researcher of renown believes one of the things who we identify with is an important factor in how we act. Kids identify with their parents, but teens and young adults identify with their peers.

Emotional fitness tip two: Understand the perks of victimhood. Here’s a list of those perks. control. How can being victim make people feel like they’re in control?

  1. Victims  get attention.
  2. Victims escape responsibility as blaming someone is lots easier than taking  responsibility for your actions; if you are not responsible, you do not  have to change.
  3. Victims’ feelings get validated.
  4. Victims get permission to act out rage and anger.

Emotional fitness tip three; Understand the heavy price tag that goes with victimhood.  Here is a list what the researches say are the negative consequences of victimhood:

  1. Low self-esteem
  2. The constant burden of anger and resentment
  3. Social problems including distrust and stunted life skill development
  4. Feelings of powerlessness
  5. Vulnerability to predators

Emotional Fitness tip four: Act instead of reacting and that means thinking about what matters.  Humanities genetic inheritance as evidence throughout all the generations works to keep us safe. That means when we have suffered some pain, the pain gets strongly embedded in our brains and if threatened with a similar pain we flee or fight. In other words we act on instinct and without thought. Not useful. Even a few minutes thought before running or fighting can be  life saving.

Emotional Fitness tip five: Live in the now. Victims live in the past and many in their ancestor’s past. Doing so all too often carries fear, anger, and hate forward. Practicing the following Emotional Fitness Traning Exercises strengthens the ability to do so: Remembering What Matters and Practicing Forgiveness.


Parenting tip one:   Be alert to complaining – yours, your child’s, any and everyone else’s. Complaing promotes victimhood.

Parenting tip two:  Remember to value of rating.  When someone is hurt ask how hurt.

Parenting tip three; Boost self-soothing skills, you but particularly your childs. 

Parenting tip four: Give little attention to memories of past hurts. If the child brings such a hurt up, ask “What did that teach you?” or say, “That was then, this is now.”

Parenting tip five:  Teach you child right behavior early on. Four rules do it: Respect self, respect others, respect property, obey reasonable rules.  

Parenting tip six:  Promote thoughtful action to right wrongs. Rioting is not a thoughtful action. Peaceful protests are. Make sure your child knows the difference.


Remember sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful.  Share it even if it doesn’t speak to you, it will speak to some. Thank you.


POST INSPIRATION Came partly from this WordPress Daily Prompt: Fearful Symmetry: Pick a letter, any letter. Now, write a story, poem, or post in which every line starts with that letter.

I managed some symmetry, but not much. Life goes on.




    • That certainly was on my mind when I wrote it, but I didn’t want to get specific so the post could run again at some point, because believe me Baltimore is a sad example of so many things that go on – some on the part of agitators, some the police, some good people doing the right thing and other good people going astray and then there are those who have given up trying to be good. I saw that a great deal in my foster children — trying hard to be good and then figuring that was impossible so being as bad as you could because you had nothing to lose. Thank you for the comment.

Agree or disagree, comments are always welcomed.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.