Betrayed by love? Most of us have been. Without thought and hard work, love’s betrayal leaves wounds that divide us from other possibilities.
Mark Twain noted that while a cat never sat on a hot stove twice, he never sat again on a cold one. All living beings are programmed to avoid pain. It is built into all DNA. Wise.
Not wise to let past pains keep you from what might be good because of false expectations appearing real (fear). Here are some tips to sort out the false from the real.
Emotional Fitness Training Tips
Emotional Fitness Training Tip One: Accept that you will be betrayed. Even the most loving relationships end when one or the other partner leaves this world.
Moreover, in one way or another we betray ourselves frequently.Everyone does the best they can, much of the time, that is more than good enough. Sometimes it isn’t. If we betray ourselves, it is only reasonable to know we will be betrayed by others.
Emotional Fitness Training Tip Two. Stop Generalizing. Generalizing involves thinking because something happened once, it will happen every time. Not healthy. Think “That was then, this is now.”
Emotional Fitness Training Tip Three: Slow down, particularly at the beginning of any relationship. The sages say “Love is Blind” for very good reasons. Love at first sight is often “Lust at First Sight.”
Emotional Fitness Training Tip Four: Take care of you. Relying on someone else to make you feel whole, alive, worthy does not work. You are the only one who can keep your self safe. You are the one who has to put yourself first. You live your life, no one else can.
Emotional Fitness Tip Five: Learn to deal with pain. Pain is part of life, when fear of pain keeps you from what is good, you are being ruled by fear and fear of pain. Develop and strengthen all your self-soothing skills. Start with the One Minute Meditation.
Sloganeering is also a mega self-soothing exercise. Shut down all negative self-talk by finding some short slogans that keep you moving forward. Here are some.: Staying Strong, Moving Ahead, Doing My Best, Thinking About What Matters, Calm and Strong.
Repeat the ones that work for you as you OMM. The more a slogan is repeated the stronger it grows.
For more self-soothing exercises buy my book
Emotional Fitness Tip Six: Remember what matters. Love matters. The love that matters most is the love we give to others.
Parents suffer than their children suffer. Your suffering increases theirs. When you can stay calm and comforting when a child has been hurt you reduce their hurt.
Why I think Parents Are People Too, An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents. is my most important book for parents. You can get it for a penny plus shipping and handling.
You can also get it as a kindle version for a bit more, but still less than a movie.
All of the above skills will help your child, but go slow. Start with self-soothing skills, then teach rating skills, then the danger of generalizing and finally, that betrayal is part of life.
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO
Remember sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful. Share it even if it doesn’t speak to you, it will speak to some. Didn’t like it? Comment and tell me why and how to improve.
This post was not inspired by this a WordPress Daily Prompt, but by reading C.S. Lewis’s poem.
Today’s daily Word Press prompt suggested writing about: West End Girls -Every city and town contains people of different classes: rich, poor, and somewhere in between. What’s it like where you live? If it’s difficult for you to discern and describe the different types of classes in your locale, describe what it was like where you grew up — was it swimming pools and movie stars, industrial and working class, somewhere in between or something completely different?
Although this did not inspire my post, most of us get hurt as we grow up and the way we deal with those hurts moves us ahead or keeps us locked in painful memories. Hope this post move you ahead. If so, like or share it.
OTHER LINKS OF INTEREST
These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.
- Emotional Intelligence (en.wikipedia.org)
- The five components of emotional Intelligence (www.sonoma.edu)
- An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents (amazon.com)
- Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises.