HOW TO EXPRESS FEELINGS WISELY – SESSION EIGHTEEN

Letting it all out, particularly when angry, is not wise; when you yell, most people cannot or will not listen. 

Not listening when yelled at.

Express feelings wisely. How? Try these suggestions:

  • Do something seriously physical while talking to yourself about how you feel. Examples: chopping wood, dancing, jogging, even walking briskly. The physical activity drains energy from the feelings and creates space for thought.
  • Plot feeling defeating scenarios in you mind.  The advice to see a scary audience naked works to defeat shame.  Seeing someone who yells at you as a two-year old having a temper tantrum are good examples.
  • Practice your creativity. That could be painting, writing, crafting.  I combated the boredom of many obligatory meetings by folding peace cranes.  I gave out adult coloring material and crayons at all my workshops.
  • Let yourself have a good cry while watching a sad TV show or video.
  • Pray or talk to the God of your understanding.
  • Talk the feeling out with a Complaint Partner.

Never heard of Complaint Partners?  This Poster Coach explains. 

Complaint partner rules.

Once you know the rules, start looking for your partner. The world is full of potential Complaint Partners, you just need to find them.  Ask and you will find. Be up front and state your needs but with a bit of flattery and then come bribery.

Once found, train.  “Train” sharing the rules, nothing more. .

Some will refuse, but most will give it a try. Suggest trying it out for a month to see if both feel it is a good match.

A few more rules Complaint Partner Rule:

  1. A Complaint Partner cannot be at another’s beck and call. Make it clear to any potential Complaint Partners that they can say “Not now” when you call at the wrong moment. Do the same if called at a time you cannot offer support.
  2. Don’t use family members to complain about family members; friends to complain about shared friends; don’t use work colleagues to complain about work problems.
  3. Sometimes professional help is needed, particularly if someone seems to be in immediate danger. Know when to call  911 

paRENTING TIP

As noted above, family members should not complain to other family members including your child’s other parent. And yes, that is very hard to do, but important. What to do then?

When a child is stepping on you last nerve, take a Calming Breath, repeat a comforting slogan – “Now is not forever.  Announce, “I need a time out.” Then take one, even if it is only a quick bathroom break.

WHAT’S NEXT

Next up developing a game plan.

POST INSPIRATION: DAILY PROMPT

I often use these prompts to spark my posts.  They work to improve  critical thinking – the heart of emotional intelligence. You can think about the prompts  as stated or use them to spark other thoughts which is what I usually do. If I put on my thinking cap the prompts can be related to Emotional Fitness. Here’s how I did that for this post.

DAILY PROMPT    No Time to Waste – Fill in the blank: “Life is too short to _____.” Now, write a post telling us how you’ve come to that conclusion. (Thanks for suggesting this prompt, theempathyqueen!)

How this relates to emotional fitness and today’s post:  Life is too short to waste on negative feelings.

How did I come to this conclusion?  Shortly after becoming a parent and a special need foster parent and started living with angry, sad, frightened kids.  Being a therapist helped a bit, but two books affirmed what my foster children taught me about dealing effectively with all negative emotions:  The One Minute Manager by Ken Blanchard; and Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman.

FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free  (Handouts are in Black and White while Poster Coaches are in color.)

Apologies if you cannot find one.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If something used here isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. In time all will be posted.

LINKS OF INTEREST

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps me ratings. This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.

Katherine

Agree or disagree, comments are always welcomed.