How To Get the Real You Respected

Who are you? The person your family knows? Your friends? Your boss? Your enemies?  The you inside?  The you you hide? News flash you are all of those.

Cartoon. Are we who others say we are or ourselves.


The shrinks debate about whether we are one authentic self or a thousand self’s depending on the context and  the audience. I don’t know that we are a thousand self, but I do know we are more than one.

Today’s Word Press Prompt posed this:  Flash Talk  – You’re about to enter a room full of strangers, where you will have exactly four minutes to tell a story that would convey who you really are. What’s your story?

My answer? Who am I telling it to and why.  Which self will gain respect? Which self will be put in danger? Which self will be diminished?

One with my tips.

Tip One: Think about which self fits the context if asked to describe yourself to someone. Answer the questions posed above.  Thinking and then making a choice strengthen what some call your authentic self.

Tip two: To understand yourself better also spend some time thinking about the selves you hide.   We all hide and for various reasons. The sad reasons are those that diminish us and are forced on us by life; such as needing a job and having a difficult boss. Others are shamed based. These need thinking about so you can stop being diminished or feeling stupid shame. Again, making a choice about both strengthens your emotional fitness.


We all want to be seen as our best selves and appreciated despite our worse selves. In order to be  appreciated despite our worse selves we have to risk letting others know the worse. One reason people like private talk therapy is that the main push of the therapy is to hear the bad and not judge so much as help you understand you.  I know in my traditional analysis a great moment of freedom came when I had shared every nasty thing I had done and every nasty thought I had ever held. The freedom came because I was heard with compassion and understanding.

More often our worse selves show  when we are not in charge of our mad, bad, or sad feelings.   We feel, act as the feeling suggests, and  then regret letting the feeling boss us.  That is not particularly helpful to our self-esteem and tends to add to shame.

What to do? One thing is to learn how to say you are sorry. Not mindlessly, but with a bit of thought. Doing so will make you feel better and often gets you the acceptance you crave. Here is today’s free EFTI Poster Coach about how to say you are sorry in a way most likely to gain acceptance and respect.

Six steps to a good apology

Thank you for all you do including liking, commenting, or sharing. Kindness blesses the giver and the receiver.




Go to the EFTI store and browse its offerings for inspirational quotes or exercises similar to  today’s Poster Coach. All digital downloads are feel, although an occasional tip would keep us going. We don’t have not for profit status but we are not making money.


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