How to keep old friends

People change.  I married a Viet NamWar protesting hippy guy who seems to have morphed into Tea Party Man. Married for over forty years. Here’s how.

Love and hate

emotional training thoughts and tip

The longer the relationship, the more intense the relationship, the more likely loving feelings will compete regularly with hateful feelings. But the best relationships are glued together wih love. Parents  know that  as much as you want to throw a crying baby out the window, love keeps the child safe.

Today’s Word Press Prompt posed this:  How would you get along with your sibling(s), parent(s), or any other person you’ve known for a long time — if you only met them for the first time today?

To me that question is not what matters.  Relationships that start strong, but then don’t stay the course bruise someone, mostly the young, but often the abandoned once loved one.  Children in particular need their parents to stay together.  With the divorce rate at almost 50% that is not a very popular opinion; however, except for physically or intensely emotionally abusive marriages, the studies show divorce hurts children. Moreover, second marriages end faster and more often than first. To me that means many people are chasing the blue bird of happiness all the wrong way.

Would my kids get along with me or their father today if meeting for the first time? Not at first. All are opinionated men and their opinions are not alike.

On the other hand if  we were forced to spend  time living together so that we shared  laughs and broke bread together we would learned more about each other than our political or religious views, then we might come to where we are now.  Where is that? Close and able to survive the down times and the gulfs that separate one generation from another, one person from another.

This applies not just to family but to friends.  I have one very good friend dating back to when we met in kindergarten.  I have another whole group of friends from college.  If we met now, we would probably go our separate ways, but history is the glue that ties us together and makes me grateful they are part of my life.

Here are what kept our relationships going.

Tip one: The five to one rule. To maintain a relationship make five good times for each bad time. My opinated husband not only makes me laugh lots, but he also honors my brain. That he likes my cooking helps him overlook some of the differences between us.

A variation? When angry think of five good things about the person you are angry with;  your anger will fade.

Tip two: Hone your ability to forgive and to ask for forgivenss. A movie fantasy says “Love is nver having to say you are sorry.  Which is like saying people are perfect.  Not true. Even without wanting to hurt another we do. Sayiny you are sorry is a useful relationship tool, but more useful is knowing how to forgive.  

Here  is today’s free EFTI poster for practicing forgiveness:

Three steps to forgiveness

STAYING STRONG

Life is a struggle and relationships a major part of the struggle.  All the more reason to work to maintain those that once worked.  Kindness combined with gratitude and mixed in with forgiveness give all relationships the possibility of not just surviving but thriving .

Thank you for all you do including liking, commenting, or sharing. Kindness blesses the giver and the receiver.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

 WORD PRESS DAILY PROMPT

Daily Post Sept 16, 2014 DAILY PROMPT  Delayed Contact  How would you get along with your sibling(s), parent(s), or any other person you’ve known for a long time — if you only met them for the first time today?

Answered above.

FREE STUFF FROM EFTI

Go to the EFTI store and browse its offerings for inspirational quotes or exercies like today’s Poster Coach

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