Improve Your Emotional Intelligence: Decision Making

Cartoon about uncertainty

Uncertainty about most things opens the mind to alternatives. According the human development expert Jerome Kagan, uncertainty is as strong a motivator as hunger or sex. Too often it is turned into anger, despair, or fear.  Anger if we can find someone to blame. Despair if we blame ourselves. Fear if we cannot resolve it. A good question when one of these emotions visit you or another person is to ask: “What uncertainty hides behind this feeling?”

Thinking through the uncertainty lurking in anger, despair, or fear requires staying calm so you can think. How do you stat calm?  Start by taking a Calming Breath

How to take a Calming Breath:

1. Breathe in slowly to a count of five. It is helpful to tighten all your muscles beginning at your toes and moving up through your body while you breathe in. If for some reasons you do not want to tense your muscles, it still helps to imagine tensing and then releasing them

2. Hold your breath and the tension for another count of five.

3. Breathe out slowly for another count of five, and as you a breathe out slowly release the tension starting at your head and moving down to your toes.

4. Breathe normally, smile gently, and say a silent “Thank you.”

Warning: When learning Calming Breath, start when you are already relaxed. This insures stress will not interfere with its effectiveness.

Once you learn Calming Breath add other Self-Soothing exercises. Buy my book “Self-soothing To Stay Calm In Your Life.”

Thank you and stay strong.

Practice Kindness, another Emotional Fitness Training Exercise, by liking or sharing this post.



  1. I’d never before considered how closely uncertainty is linked to anger, despair and fear, Katherine — it actually says a lot about our times, doesn’t it? Thank you for this insight.

Agree or disagree, comments are always welcomed.

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