Well, as Maslow’s work notes we need water, food, shelter, and a few other things to survive. Once those basic needs are met, however, love seems to matter most. This article gave me gobs to be thankful for, but also left me with a few contrary thoughts.
The author, Marsha Lucas, Ph.D., grew up as I did during the “Love-ins” of the sixties. She is also a researcher. I suspect she is a good ten or so years younger as I was always a bit behind in doing things. Goody two shoes until the mid sixties.
Illuminating quote: “I find it fascinating that some of the lessons we learned in our “decade of love” are actually supported by the latest scientific research.”
MY CONTRARY THOUGHTS
I think the main problem lies in the saying from that tear jerking popular movie “Love Story”. If you don’t remember the movie or didn’t see it, get it from your library. The line that created the problem for me is “Love means never having to say your sorry.” Hollywood bullstuff at its worse, but aldo taps into what we want love to be. Plays right in to our very human desire to be “loved no matter what”
And then there was the Beetle’s singing “All You Need is Love.”
A song that better captures the reality of love for me is Willie Nelson’s rendition of “You Were Always on My Mind.” Reminded me that men in particular often love silently. Sad but true. Or that other favorite of mine Bob Dylan’s “It Ain’t Me Babe. A reminder that women want too much.
“No matter what” love allows abuse and domestic violence to go on and on and on. Not healthy.
“No matter what” love also has made too many parents feel too guilty about teaching right from wrong.
“No matter what” love has also taken too many youth down the “F— you” path. I posted just last week about a skateboarder in his late teens giving me the bird and shouting “F— you” because he had to serve a few feet to avoid knocking me down on a public hiking path. I flipped the bird back, but he was long gone and I could only hope others were able to jump aside before being maimed by his sense of entitlement.
STAYING STRONG TIP If you think love means never having to say you are sorry, think again.
True love does not mean living with abuse. True love does not mean tolerating unacceptable behavior. True love expects the best of others, is not afraid to criticize, but criticizes with kindness.
True love means knowing how to forgive and to ask to be forgiven.
I am not one to do bible quotes, but the line in the Lord’s Prayer that says “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass agaisnt us” practice fully by all might cut the divorce rate and even bring peace on earth.
Practice Forgiving s is one of my Daily Twelve Emotional Fitness Exercises. The link takes you to Wiki How based on those exercises.
PRACTICE KINDNESS is another of my Daily Twelve. You can do that by sharing this with someone you think it might help. Even if they reject your efforts in time they might not. My kids sent me for a Mother’s Day Card: “Because you’re my mother and you said so”. The inside of the card said, “And you thought I wasn’t lisieing.”
Know the “Oh Mother face” but also know, as I now quote my mother, much of what I say is heard.
Stay strong, I’m working at it.
IMAGE BY: Next Avenue