As the school year starts, the little ones rush to kindergarten joyously and eager to learn. Do you still love learning? Think about the ideas in this Poster Coach.
What stops your learning? The list starts with “Can’t do that.” But, mainly when shame enters the door.
Jerome Kagan, retired Harvard researcher into how we become who we become, notes that shame enters our lives around the age of three. That is when we become aware of thoughts and behaviors that lead to fear we will fail to gain self-respect or the respect of others.
Kagan believes that more than the pleasures of the body, in the long run most people want to be viewed as good people in the eyes of the world, particularly those we see as important. When we fail when to learn something, we are at risk of being ruled by shame.
Minimally, we become uncertain in failure situations. Uncertainty mainly gets resolved by either blaming ourselves and so becoming shamed and depressed; or by blame someone else and so becoming angry but feeling better about ourselves.
I have two learning disabilities. Learning disabilities invite shame to visit and hang around. And yes I am vulnerable to feeling shame. Growing old and becoming deaf add to that vulnerability. What do I do to overcome?
Finding labels for my difficulties helped. I have Dyscalculia which means cannot do math and Dysgraphia which means mega trouble getting words on to paper or word processor coherently and without spelling or grammar mistakes. I have given up on math, but am a blogger and published author despite dysgraphia.
Why dysgraphia didn’t keep me from writing – my mother who encouraged trying and attached little shame to failing if you tried; my father who wrote for a living and who I wanted to be like; teachers who honored my thinking and not my mistakes; becoming a foster parent and a mental health professional which gave me a unique story and made me somewhat of a parenting expert; and finally, editors who stood by me.
EMOTIonal Fitness Training Tips
Emotional Fitness Training Tip One: You are a genius, but you cannot “Just Do” all you want. “Just Do It” sells Niki’s but erodes #emotionalintelligence by setting creating unrealistic expectations.
An important life learning task is to find you real talents and build on them.
You must also build the skills that will get you ahead in everyday life.
Finally, you can continue to pursue your passions, but for the joy of the pursuit, not the dream of stardom.
Emotional Fitness Training Tip Two: You will fail, learn the lessons. Seeing failure as opportunity strengthens your emotional intelligence and there are always lessons to be learned from failing.
Emotional Fitness Training Tip Three: Get all the help you can. The great Mr. Rogers noted that the best advice his mother gave him was to look for the helpers and there are always helpers.
The Stars have trainers, coaches, therapists, personal shoppers, financial managers, personal chefs, chauffeurs if desired and those “do what I want personal assistants.”
If you can pay for help, lucky you, if not it is harder, but help is always somewhere out there if you seek it.
If you child turns against school worry about three things:
Learning disabilities. These cannot be diagnosed easily. Best choice an educational psychologist who is not affiliated with schools and who specializes in diagnosing learning disabilities. Next best choice a mental health agency with family and children’s services that include the use of advocates.
Temperament and Goodness of Fit: Teachers naturally prefer quiet, obedient children, if a child is bold or hyperactive, s/he may have problems in school. This should be checked our and a strategy is the one suggesting in figuring out if the child has a learning disability.
Meanwhile, work to improve yours and your child’s self-soothing skills. Yes, the best way to do that is to buy my eBook Self-soothing Create Calm in Your Life, an Emotional Fitness Program. Give up a latte and buy it now!
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO
Remember sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful. Share it even if it doesn’t speak to you, it will speak to some. Didn’t like it? Comment and tell me why and how to improve.
Post relationship to WordPress Prompt Inside the Bubble -A contagious disease requires you to be put into quarantine for a whole month (don’t worry, you get well by the time you’re free to go!). How would you spend your time in isolation?
So easy for me, writing and giving into my social media addiction.
The actual inspiration for this post came from Internet friend Ester de Beer who shared a post of another internet friend. Helen Douglas.
OTHER LINKS OF INTEREST
These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.