Lingering

My 77th birthday is  four days away and  I want to linger a while longer in this life.  I face death more than many. I am at risk of stroke, heart attack, and have an immune disorder. Less than a week ago, I made this poster coach.

Thoughts about dying.

As today’s headlines note, not all want to linger here. L’Wren Scott, Mick Jagger’s long time girlfriend,  was found dead of an apparent suicide Monday morning. She was  found  hanging from a doorknob. The official said no note was found, and there was no sign of foul play.

Today’s blog post was inspired by WordPress’ Daily Prompt: Linger Tell us about times in which you linger — when you don’t want an event, or a day to end. What is it you love about these times? Why do you wish you could linger forever? 

Emotional fitness thoughts

I have personally known four people who committed suicide. One a high school classmate several months after graduation, another a graduate school classmate many years after graduation; another a co-worker five years after leaving the job where we both worked.  The fourth was one of my foster children years after leaving my care.

The first three deaths stunned me. Not one seemed seriously depressed, particularly my high school class mate. The next two were not as cheerful, but also were not overtly unhappy.  The fourth, I predicted would happen in time; the young man oozed depression, it slipped out of his pores and  invaded mine.

Now, here is the catch. I have known at least two other people whose depression invaded my pores and my heart, and both are alive, still struggling but going on. Their strength astounds me.

The saddest suicides are the unintentional.  Jumping out of window was how two stopped lingering here.  A gun to the head another. These were determined not to stay.  I don’t know how my high school classmate ended it all.

I have never thought of committing suicide, but I have thought and hope to arrange my death at a certain point. When? When it is clear to me I am prolonging my death.  That is a difficult line to draw but my directive says when I have been unable to speak or communicate for two weeks and there is no hope of recovery.  

I would rather have the courage to combine Vodka and pot after saying good-by to all.  Not sure I will. Moreover, my brain is slipping slowly away and that decline may rob me of the ability to control my death as I would like.  But my last directive is written, and for now I go on and am grateful.

Stay strong and enjoy all you have been given, life is precious.  Struggle on as best you can. Things change and bad times become good times just as surely as good times become  bad times.

Thank you all for all you do to care and share with others. Doing a little matters a lot.

 

Agree or disagree, comments are always welcomed.