Judging People Fairly – Six Emotional Fitness Tips

Thich Nhah Hanh Quote

Prejudice, judging people in groups, starts in fear when our brains decide we are in danger from a person or group of people. Feelings are how the brain signals us that something is happening. The number one priority for our brain is always to signal danger.

Fear is the signal that you might be in danger.  Might is the pivotal word. Why does that word matter? Because prejudices are hasty generalizations based on personal experiences of hurt or threat of hurt augmented by various voices of authority supporting those personal fears. Might means the signal could be wrong. It could come on with the intensity of a 911 call, when little risk exists.

Another factor? Uncertainty, almost as big a motivator as the drive for sex or food, frequently creates fear. What creature lurks in the dark? Uncertainty. What evil lurks in the heart of man? Uncertainty. We stay out of dark alleys at night; we trust the stranger less than those we know. Moreover, often nothing lurks on the dark and good lurks in the stranger’s heart more often than evil.

What to do? Here are some tips.

Emotional Fitness Training Tips

Tip one: Recognize the basis for your negative judgments of people.  Are you driven by some negative experiences from people your brain has therefore classified as dangerous?  Are you surrounded by those who leap to judging people? Have you been taught to be afraid of “people who are differently made”?  

Tip two: Accept that every label categorizing people is judgmental. Just as labels are useful on a file folder, labels serve a purpose. Judging people does keep us safer. Problems arise when labels get applied for the wrong reason. Judgments based only skin color, religion, class, caste, IQ, looks, or possessions are hasty generalizations.

Tip three: Know that your most passionate beliefs are keys unlocking your judgments of people. Passionately, atheistic? Devoted to Christianity?  A highly religious Jew? A Conservative? A Liberal? Moreover, the harder you try to convince your religious friends God does not exist, the more you are judging them unfairly. Same when you as a religious person seek to convert people to your faith. The more you argue politics, the more you judging people by a label.

Tip four: Hang out with a different crowd. Love CNN? Try Fox News. Adore Russ Limbaugh? Try Rachel Madow. Who you hang out with generally speaks to your core beliefs and who you feel is most like you.  The comfort in being with those who think like you, however, narrows your thoughts and supports judgmental beliefs.

That is also where uncertainty plays a part in people judging.  Being with, listening too those who think differently can and frequently does create uncertainty about what you  think. As uncertainty about core beliefs in particular is uncomfortable you either avoid it or argue with it.

The desire to belong fills churches, synagogues, mosques and the streets and mob mentality. Mob mentality is real and much driven in today’s world by the media. Better to get to know lots of different types of people. Hard only because doing so requires keeping an open mind when uncertainty, doubt, and fear nibble at you.

Tip five:   Strengthen your self-soothing skills. Obviously if you are going try what your brain sees as dangerous, you need strong self-soothing skills. My easy Emotional Fitness Exercises will help you strengthen yours.  that. For a quick introduction go here Emotional Fitness Exercises  

Also considering investing my eBook, Self Soothing: Create Calm Your Life.  At $2.99 it is cheaper than a latte and calms you easier and longer. Moreover, you will be Practicing Kindness to me.

Tip six: Remember what matters.  Some judgement of others is needed. Sadly we tend to judge on too many things that don’t matter. In the long run all that matters is being kind, working hard to make your part of the world better, and standing against all violence and oppression.

Standing against violence and oppression means judging people. The best way to do that is to base judgments on how a person’s deeply help beliefs weigh against their actions. Think of today’s protesters. Their beliefs are for liberty and equality; some of their actions suppress the right of others to speak. Think of a religion that talks of peace and love for all, but wars against non-believers.

Thank you

Share all you find of value on the internet.  All who post crave recognition. A like says “Thank You.” Comments say you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: the writer, the people you share with, and you as being kind blesses you.

Katherine

Post Inspiration: How this post relates to this  WordPress Daily Prompt: Precipice. The outcome of this years Presidential election has made many of us feel as though we are approaching a precipice.post. Go here to learn more about the Daily Prompts.

Links of Interest

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Even the most learned researchers and therapists quarrel about much.  Take their advice and mine carefully.  Don’t just listen to your heart, but also think; don’t just think, lbut listen to your heart.  Heart and head working together increase the odds you will find useful advice amid all the promises and hopes pushed at you be others.  As others have noted, take what seems useful, leave the rest.

Disclaimer two: Forgive my grammatical errors

If  you need perfect posts, you will not find them  here;  I will understand if you don’t follow, like or share what  like me.  Not only am I dealing with an aging brain, but all of my life I have been plagued by dysgraphia–a learning disability,  Some of my posts might be peppered with bad spelling, poor punctuation, and worse words that make no sense.  If  you want to hang in with me, thank you; you are kind. If a post doesn’t make sense or bugs you too much, stop reading, I will understand.

Out Smart Bigotry – Six Emotional Fitness Tips

Revenge joke to fight biotyry

When I read this joke I thought of my mother’s mother. She would have thought nothing of banning blacks and Jews from her table. Moreover, lots of others would have been banned. She was a nastier woman than most and by the time I was eight or nine, I had disowned her in my mind. She was, however, a product of her times – maybe a bit nastier than many, but bigotry was part of the culture surrounding her.

I didn’t live in the South and my great-grandfather was a Captain in the Union Army, still my hometown was not immune to bigotry. In the 40’s and 50’s,  I may have known my grandmother’s bigotry was wrong, but was blind to the fact that the movie theater in our town relegated blacks to the balcony. More damaging bigotry? No blacks ever made it into the college bound classes at Media High School. As for Jews I probably knew some but was blind to their existence except for the fact the one store was run by Jews; I have no idea how I knew that.

The Civil Rights movement raised my consciousness, attending a Southern College, and then becoming a social worker raised it higher as did living in New York City. Marrying a Jew and then converting to Judaism pushed me further into the contemplation of bigotry and efforts to fight it.

Bigotry is bred into the human race and will always be with us.  How is bigotry part of our breeding?

The brain is programmed first and foremost to keep us safe. One way to stay safe is to cling to the known, avoid walking down unknown streets particularly in the dark; avoid people you know little or nothing about; do not accept ideas that are strange.

Then there is the need to feel good about one’s self.  Let me count some  ways we do that: by feeling moral; by feeling stronger than,  or by having the most toys.

Finally, there comes the need to belong and hopefully to belong to the in group.

I am writing this post because of  today’s political scene; but also because   a new form of bigotry  is taking over as divisiveness is grows and protests protests more and more violent.

What to do? Here are some tips.

Emotional Fitness Training Tips

Tip one: Recognize your prejudices. Yes, we all have them. Passionate about something? Feeling righteous? Morally outraged? Time to pull back and do some heavy thinking.

I have to do that often when  I meet a red-head. Why? I was punched in the stomach by an older girl with flaming red hair, when I was six. Never saw her thereafter, but the memory of the pain and surprise still gets attached to some red-head.

Tip two: Remember what matters. Across all ages and all cultures two things have been seen to matter: caring and justice. The world is in bad shape only because we divide the world into those who deserve caring and justice and those who do not.

Tip three: Understand what draws you to one or another belief. Because we fear hurt we identify with those who seem to share our hurts. Hurt because your religion failed you? You gravitate toward another religion or atheism. Hurt because of your skin color, you gravitate toward others hurt for the same reason.

Part of fearing hurt is avoidance. Hurt because love failed?  You give your heart less willingly. Laughed at for speaking up? You speak up less.

Also strong in who we become and how we act is the need to belong. Mob mentality is real and much driven in today’s world by the media. The desire to belong fills churches, synagogues, mosques and the streets.  Pick carefully and think more critically about the people you build alliances with.

Tip four: Do not be silenced. Passionate believers want to silence those who disagree. Why? Because disagreement often shakes faith in their beliefs. Speak up and speak out, and follow the edict “Say what you mean, but do not say it mean.”

Tip five:  Hatetalk, destruction of property, and violence are  the tools of evil.  Combat them anyway non-violent way you can. 

Tip six:  Strengthen your self-soothing skills. My easy Emotional Fitness Exercises will help you do that. For a quick introduction go here Emotional Fitness Exercises.  Particularly important in creating calm is to make a conscious effort to forgive those who have hurt you and then to forgive yourself. Here is a post about forgiveness and letting go. 

Thank you

Share all you find of value on the internet.  All who post crave recognition. A like says “Thank You.” Comments say you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: the writer, the people you share with, and you as being kind blesses you.

Katherine

Post Inspiration: How this post relates to this  WordPress Daily Prompt: Panicked. The outcome of this years Presidential election has sparked panic in many. That panic has spared this post. Go here to learn more about the Daily Prompts.

Links of Interest

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Even the most learned researchers and therapists quarrel about much.  Take their advice and mine carefully.  Don’t just listen to your heart, but also think; don’t just think, listen to your heart.  Heart and head working together increase the odds you will find useful advice amid all the promises and hopes pushed at you be others.  As others have noted, take what seems useful, leave the rest.

Disclaimer two: Forgive my grammatical errors

If  you need perfect posts, you will not find them  here;  I will understand if you don’t follow, like or share what  like me.  Not only am I dealing with an aging brain, but all of my life I have been plagued by dysgraphia–a learning disability,  Some of my posts might be peppered with bad spelling, poor punctuation, and worse words that make no sense.  If  you want to hang in with me, thank you; you are kind. If a post doesn’t make sense or bugs you too much, stop reading, I will understand.

How Emotionally Fit Are You- A Brief Test Plus Five Helpful Tips

An Emotional Fitness Snapshot Plus Three EFT Tips 

Rate yourself on the indicated scales. Note your score for each question and then add all the individual scores together for a final score.

1.What is your general mood?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Fantastic

Very Good

Okay

Not Good

Suicidal

2. How much is stress a part of your life?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

No stress

Very little

Normal

Some

Too much

3. How do you feel about yourself?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Love self

Like self

Okay

Don’t like

Hate self

4. What are your feelings about most other people?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Love all

Like most

Half and half

Dislike most

Hate most

5. How much time do you spend with fear, worry, or anxiety?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

None

Very little

Some

Too much

Much too much

6. How much trouble do you get into because of anger?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

None

Little

Some

Lots

Arrested

7. How much do you get done despite negative feelings?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

High

achiever

Get all done

Most done

Lots undone

Little done

8. Do you feel you are in control of your life?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Yes

Mostly

More then not

Very little

Not at all

9. Do you take action and then wonder why you did not think first?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Never

Rarely

Now and then

Often

Too often

10. Do feelings seem to come out of the blue and surprise you with their intensity?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Never

Occasionally

Half and half

Lots

Often

11. When a strong feeling visits can you stay calm enough to act wisely /

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Always

Usually

Mostly

Not

Arrested

12. In a dispute of any kind, do you listen closely enough to the other person’s point of view to find some common ground?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Always

Mostly

Often

Rarely

Never

13. Would you be described as a leader or a follower?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Lead

Mostly lead

Bit of both

Mostly follow

Follower

14. Are you honest?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

To a fault

More than not

Mostly

Depends

Arrested

15. Are you a giver? Do you act kindly or take more than you give?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

To a fault

More than not

Mostly

Mostly take

Taker

16. Do manners matter to you?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Absolutely

Yes

Usually

A little

Not at all

17. Have you been easy on yourself or hard in answering these questions?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Hard

Mostly hard

Half and half

Mostly easy

Easy

18. How much would those who know you well agree will with your answers reflect you?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Definitely

Mostly

Half and half

Somewhat

Little

Total score _________

How to score: Obviously, the higher your score the more you control negative feelings. However, while you scored 90,  you might be an Emotional Fitness Super Star or you might be lying to yourself.

Most people will score somewhere in the middle.

40 or below and you need to improve your emotional fitness; 18 would indicate the need for therapy.

Remember EFT’s tests are designed to start you thinking and are not research validated. Whatever this test made you think about, you will strengthen your emotional fitness – the ability to manage stress and negative feelings – by following these tips.

Emotional Fitness Training Tips

Tip one: Recognize and rate your flawed behavior.  Rating things is an important Emotional Fitness Skill. Why? In order to rate you must stop and think. Stopping to think helps you decide the best why to act. For example: Is letting go of your anger with nasty words is not the equivalent of beating some one up, but still hurtful. Better and more emotionally fit to learn to say what you mean, but do not say it mean.

Tip two: Once a day, make a conscious effort to forgive those who have hurt you and then to forgive yourself. Here is a post about forgiveness and letting go. 

Tip three: Strengthen your self-soothing skills. My easy Emotional Fitness Exercises will help you do that. For a quick introduction go here Emotional Fitness Exercises. 

Tip four: Set both a mission for your life, and SMART Goals for living the best everyday life possible.  Practicing Kindness is the healthiest mission. Get my e-Book Know Your Mission So You Can Reach Your Goals . It costs less than a movie and lasts a lifetime.

Tip five: As always Be Grateful, Practice Kindness, and Remember What Matters.

Thank you

Share all you find of value on the internet.  All who post crave recognition. A like says “Thank You.” Comments say you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: the writer, the people you share with, and you as being kind blesses you.

Katherine

Post Inspiration: How this post relates to this  WordPress Daily Prompt: Avid . This was not inspied by this prompt, but the more avid or strong a feeling, the more likely it is to control you and erode your emotional fitness. Go here to learn more about the Daily Prompts.

Links of Interest

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Even the most learned researchers and therapists quarrel about much.  Take their advice and mine carefully.  Don’t just listen to your heart, but also think; don’t just think, listen to your heart.  Heart and head working together increase the odds you will find useful advice amid all the promises and hopes pushed at you be others.  As others have noted, take what seems useful, leave the rest.

Disclaimer two: Forgive my grammatical errors

If  you need perfect posts, you will not find them  here;  I will understand if you don’t follow, like or share what  like me.  Not only am I dealing with an aging brain, but all of my life I have been plagued by dysgraphia–a learning disability,  Some of my posts might be peppered with bad spelling, poor punctuation, and worse words that make no sense.  If  you want to hang in with me, thank you; you are kind. If a post doesn’t make sense or bugs you too much, stop reading, I will understand.

How To Hurt or Fear Less – Six EFT Tips

Funny quotes about politics

Apparently, the rates of clinical depression have increased since November’s election. Sad, but even sadder are the increases in hate talk and fear mongering that are now every present in all news.

I would worry less if such increases did not occasionally lead to some acting violently. Then there are those who ignore calls for violence. The second reaction supports violence and hate by seeming to give silent approval of such acts.

What to do? Try these tips.

EMOTIONAL FITNESS TIPS

Tip one: Remember that hurt seeks affirmation. Your hurts are magnets drawing you to others you perceive as hurt in the same way. As a woman I have been groped on the subway. Makes me more attuned to victims of more than groping. But rape is not the same as a grope.

Tip two:  Rating hurts helps. In the above example, a grope equals a five on a ten  point scale of hurt. Best response – protesting at the moment, than letting go.  Verbal or sexual harassment is my idea of a six and needs you to take personal action. Any thing above a six is probably criminal or violent and you should protest even if you are not the victim.

Tip three: A statue of limitation is also helpful. Some of my ancestors were Celts. The Romans started killing and enslaving them, then along came the Christians who finished the job. Should I hate all of Roman descent, all modern day Christians?

The powerful black tribes in Africa enslaved and sold blacks first to the Portuguese and then to the rest of Europe and eventually to white Americans. Should those tribes be outlawed now?

One of my ancestors was a ship wrecked sailor who made it ashore in the late 1600’s. He may have killed Indians; I am sure he kept slaves as he sought a new life a new land. Should I be hated for behavior of my ship wrecked sailor ancestor. Should Thomas Jefferson be pilloried and hated because like many of his time, he owned slaves?  Should he be written into history as someone as evil as those who actually captures and sold their fellow beings into slavery? Logic says no; but many still hate and feel justified in doing violence on that basis.

Tip four: Recognize and rate your flawed behavior. Is letting go of your anger with words the equivalent of beating some one up? No. But still hurtful. Say what you mean, but do not say it mean.

If you are hurting others, particularly physically or engaged in criminal behaviors; you should be feeling bad about yourself. Bad enough to stop those behaviors, make amends and practice forgiveness.  

Once a day, make a conscious effort to forgive those who have hurt you and then to forgive yourself. Here is a post about forgiveness and letting go. 

Tip five: Strengthen your self-soothing skills. My easy Emotional Fitness Exercises will help you do that. For a quick introduction go here Emotional Fitness Exercises. 

Tip six: Set both a mission for your life, and SMART Goals for living the best everyday life possible.  Practicing Kindness is the healthiest mission. Get my e-Book Know Your Mission So You Can Reach Your Goals . It costs less than a movie and lasts a lifetime.

Thank you for all you do

Remember to share all you find of value on the internet.  All who post crave recognition. A like says “Thank You.” Comments say you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: the blogger, the people you share with, and you for your kindness blesses you.

Katherine

Post Inspiration: How this post relates to this  WordPress Daily Prompt: Fry . No connection except the thought that hate in your heart fries your health and emotional fitness..

 

Go here to learn more about the Daily Prompts.

Links of Interest

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Even the most learned researchers and therapists quarrel about much.  Take their advice and mine carefully.  Don’t just listen to your heart, but also think; don’t just think, listen to your heart.  Heart and head working together increase the odds you will find useful advice amid all the promises and hopes pushed at you be others.  As others have noted, take what seems useful, leave the rest.

Disclaimer two: Forgive my grammatical errors

If  you need perfect posts, you will not find them  here;  I will understand if you don’t follow, like or share what  like me.  Not only am I dealing with an aging brain, but all of my life I have been plagued by dysgraphia–a learning disability,  Some of my posts might be peppered with bad spelling, poor punctuation, and worse words that make no sense.  If  you want to hang in with me, thank you; you are kind. If a post doesn’t make sense or bugs you too much, stop reading, I will understand.