Daily Prompt: I can’t complain, he floored me with a rock, then tried to hit me with a forklift and, you guessed it,
he missed. Last laugh is mine; he hurt his back trying to hurt me. Justice prevails.
Emotional fitness thoughts about Complaining
When something hurts complaining once or twice to those that can hear eases the pain; there after, complaining only embeds the hurt in your brain and keeps it hurting you. What to do?
Emotional fitness tips about Complaining
Most hurts come from important people in our lives: partners, children, bosses. Moreover, in the daily course of things, each can give us much to complain about, but constant complaining leads to deafness in the ears of the listener. What to do?
Tip One: Apply two rating scales to hurts that make you want to complain. First: How bad a hurt? Are you perspiring over something small or medium-sized? Second: Who should, can or will change? Needs conflict, change is difficult. Despite the idea that behavior is a choice, for most of us the choice is limited when it comes to certain things. Thinking about who controls what matters and in the long run mostly you are the one who has to do something when you can as you are the one hurting.
Tip Two: If you decide to complain, do so at the time of the hurt. Not always easy, particularly when an important person in your life steps on your bunions. Then the temptation is to scream, fight, or flee. Take at least a few calming breaths before you decide which to do. Then try saying, “I need to think a bit more about this, but for now, I have other things to do.”
Tip Three: Remember the five to one rule. Don’t know that one? John Gottman’s research demonstrates that positive relationships have a ratio of one complaint for every five positive interactions.
Tip Four: Hone all your self soothing skills so you are better protected from the slings and rockets that get hurled your way. As the old saying goes, “The best offense is a strong defense.”
Finally, remember what matters: find time to be grateful for all you have been given, and to think about what matters.
For all you do, thank you and if you think someone will enjoy this post, please share it. Doing so always helps me and hopefully some others.
- The Daily Post Prompt (wordpress.com)
- Self Soothing: How to Create Calm in Your Life (amazon.com)
- Complaint partners (Emotional Fitness Training)