Some can laugh at this. Did you? Then if you are a senior, you’ve earned a Saint’s Award. Laughing keeps you strong, as long as you laugh with, not at.
This joke gave me an even better laugh. It was sent to my by high school friend Jack Simcox.She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The ‘T’ shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!” My eyes lit up and I thought, “I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!” Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said, “Thanks,” and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck. Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, “What was that all about?” She explained, “The egg timer’s broken.
She was lucky he could rise to occasion. Not all can on such short notice.
Emotional fitness Thoughts and tips
Jack’s joke inspired me first, but then I read this Word Perfect Daily Prompt: A True Saint. “In 300 years, if you were to be named the patron saint of X, what would you like X to be? Places, activities, objects — all are fair game.”
Personally I’d like to be the Saint of Deliberate Kindness. However, I do not want to be martyred as most Saint’s were, so I also preach knowing how to defend yourself against those who are not kind. I do not however, suggest giving up on the relationship unless it involves physical abuse or severe, unrelenting emotional abuse. Even then you might want to keep the hurt away, but work to sustain whatever is good about the relationship.
The real saints of today are those who stay married through the tough times. Hard to do in today’s world of “Be Happy Gurus” telling you to leave behind people who blunt your personal happiness.
The parenting advisors who think parents who make kids unhappy equals abuse add fuel to the “Just be Happy” ranting. Not possible if a child is going to learn to live in the real world.
Sigh from a Cranky Old Lady who lived with over 300 foster kids, is also a therapist, professor, author, and training who does know a thing or two about what works and what doesn’t. Sighing because despite being on Oprah, I am mainly a voice deep in a forest where mostly the birds and squirrels hear.
Ah well, I will rant on and hope what Ralph Waldo Emerson said about success means I made it: “To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; This is to have succeeded.”
A few say I have mattered and not just my kids. Anyway, back to the Saints of Marriage and my five #Emotionalintelligence improve tips of the day.
Tip one: Too many marry thinking lust is love. Thinking twisted by both hormones, the media, and heaven knows what else. Lucky you if friendship outlasted lust.
Tip two: Rumors of happily ever after are grossly exaggerated.
Tip three: Shared values help which is why some arranged marriages work.
Tip four: Things change always, all the time, in ways you cannot imagine, and that includes you and the person you married. I for one am grateful the bad times in my marriage happened when divorce was out of the question. Some the least happy people I know are alone in the world, no partners, no children, no loved ones.
Tip five: Practicing deliberate kindness is key to sustaining marriages and all other caring relationships. That means being kind to your partner when you most want to strangle him or her.
Far from always possible except possible for a few true saints. However, as John Gottman’s Five to One Rule points out it is the ratio that matters. His rule: For every minute spent in a negative interaction five minutes of positive interactions kept the marriage stable. Works well for every relationship.
All relationships require a balancing act. Who is going to control what? Who needs who more? Who loves who more? Who does more? Every time you think you are on the wrong side of the answer to those questions, your emotional fitness weakens. What to do? Try some calming self talk.
Self talk revs us up or calms us down. Emotional Fitness Training (EFT) suggests practicing sloganeering to stop negative self-talk. What is sloganeering? Finding a short calming or sustaining saying and repeating it when negative events or feelings disturb your peace.
The ad men and woman make great use of slogans. Niki’s “Just Do It” spurs many on. I prefer this Buddhist saying, “It’s all all right.” That reminds me that I cannot know all that matters and what is wrong for me personally is right at a higher level or minimally to someone else somewhere in the world. May not comfort you but helps me.
The trick to effectively use slogans is to use them in a semi-trance state. The One Minute Meditation (OMM) creates such a state and a slogan can be used as part of the OMM
My book: Self-soothing – Create Calm in Your Life is the best seller among my eBooks books. Check it out. It discusses sloganeering and other emotional fitness exercises in greater detail. Moreover, it is cheaper and longer lasting than a latte. If you buy it please like, share, comment or review. You will be practicing kindness and strengthens you as well as others.
Thank you for all you do and if you find this post worthy send it on to someone else.
LINKS OF INTEREST
- Calming self talk ideas (byui.edu)
- Emotional Intelligence (en.wikipedia.org)
- Self-soothing to Create Calm in Your Life (amazon.com)
- 12 Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises (amazon.com)
- WordPress Daily Prompt