Shame on me for letting shame hurt so much. Started with being math and writing blind. Conquered a bit, but now revisiting as aging addles my brain.
Shame seeks to isolate. When you find out what people do not share, you find out what shames them. Shame isolates and leaves you on your own. I have battled most of my life because of dysgraphia, and dyscalculia. Both can meant hours of shame because I can’t easily spellcorrectly, punctuate, remember grammar rules or do simple sums.
Even into day’s world of greater understanding of such things, the shame of my hours at the black board trying to so what I could not do has left its fire banked but always ready to reignite and turn my cheeks read.
How did I become a published author, paticularly given my dysgraphia: Love of reading which lead to wanting to be a writer, the blessing of good people including parents who encouraged learning and teachers who looked past the errors to the content; an inborn stubbornness; and the advent of word processing and the computer with it’s little red lines helping someone like me spot the majority of my errors
Emotional fitness tips for defeating shame
If shame makes you want to sink through the floor or otherwise run and hide, only two things will defeat its fire.
Tip one: Make sure you are not doing something unforgivable. Molesting children, raping someone, murdering or torturing another are the ones to worry about.
Shame is designed by nature to prevent such unacceptable behavior, what I have come to think mostly of the Cain and Abel sins. No matter what the therapists say, parents are far less guilty of creating shame.
The big shame creator? Most religions and particularly those that evolved when women were considered property and temptresses. This has created much shame about normal sexual behaviors. Two examples:
- Think of the big M and I do not mean menopause.
- Think of the women covering their bodies from head to toe so men will have less trouble controlling their sexual desires.
Tip two: Once you know you are not committing the unthinkable do the opposite of what shame suggests. I write on and I also post about my weakness and what shame wants me to keep hidden. Doing so loosens its hold on me. I call doing so Practicing Imperfection. None of us is perfect, it is not the human path; moreover, when you think about what matters, good enough and almost good that strives to be kind to self and others matters more than any thing the media suggests being.
I can hear the more grammatically correct among you saying don’t publish anything until someone else has edited. True, true, true, and my error cost me readers. But my writing will never be completely error free. My eBooks are edited. My blogs and poster coaches are mine alone and although the mistakes are few they crop up and each one shames me, but does not defeat me.
Remember shame is only useful in keeping you from harming others. Otherwise, smile as often as you can, be grateful, practice kindness, and continue doing what shames says you should not do. Shame is powerful, but can be kept from keeping you from doing all you should be doing for a happier life.
I hope if you find my posts of value, you will practice internet kindness liking, rating, commenting, or sharing. If you have downloaded a poster coach or an eBook with an error, let me know and I will correct it and send you a new copy.
Thank you for all you do and as always work to stay strong, not always easy, but worth while.
This post was inspired by this Word Press Daily Prompt Unsafe Containers: Which emotion(s) — joy, envy, rage, pity, or something else — do you find to be the hardest to contain?
Links and articles of interest
- Shame (en.wikipedia.org)
- Dysgraphia (www.ncld.org)
- The Daily Prompt
- Emotional Intelligence (en.wikipedia.org)
- Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises (emotionalfitnesstraining.com)
- The EFTI Store (eftistore.com)