Who controls your feeling temperature.  Are you in charge of your feelings?  Can someone else control your emotions?  Whose emotions do you control?

Being emotionally fit involves not letting mad, sad, or bad feelings control you.


As Emotional Intelligence guru, Daniel Goleman notes, “…in the classroom, at work, in organizations generally – it is the most powerful person who is the emotional sender, setting the emotional state for the rest of the group.”

Often, it is the person who yells the loudest, behaves like a bully that controls those of us seeking a quieter, more peace for world.


Tip number one:  Know what makes every person at risk of emotional hi-jacking. Get very clear not just about your vulnerabilities, but those that make others try to hi-jack your emotions. Here are the major reasons people get hi-jacked or seek to hi-jack others:

Unmet Needs: Both unmet emotional needs from the important people in your past but also unmet current needs and that can include unmet physical needs – sleep deprivation for example.

Giving or thinking you give more than you get:  I preach kindness and generosity, but as soon as I begin saying things like “Why am I doing this, am I a servant?” I need to stop.

The golden rule for those of us prone to giving? Only do what others can do for themselves if you enjoy the doing.

Thinking you deserve special treatment.  Some of us have been fooled into thinking we are more entitled or special than everyone else.  Mostly those have had parents or teachers that think self-esteem is build by praise and not being and doing good.  Here is a Poster Quote making by a leading theorist about human behavior:

Desperately seeking perfection.   Perfectionists make life difficult for themselves and for others.  Good enough is much healtheir unless you are an  surgeon performing delicate eye surgery.

Tip two: Learn and strengthen these emotional fitness skills: Feeling awareness, feeling measurement, self-soothing, remembering what matters, acting wisely, and letting go.  These are the skills that slow down efforts to hi-jack your brain.

Tip three:  Learn and practice the Daily 12 Emotional Fitness Exercises.  Doing so strengthens all your emotional fitness skills.  Click here to get an E-book introducing those exercises.


Life is a struggle, full of pain and suffering as well as pleasure and joy. Gaining control of the emotions that try to hi-jack our feelings while trying not to push other people past their ability to stay in control brings peace not just to your being, but also to the world.

Thank all of you who support my efforts, you help me stay strong, and kindness circles back to the giver sooner or later.



DISCLAIMER ONE: EMOTIONAL FITNESS TRAINING IS NOT THERAPY  Even the most learned researchers and therapists quarrel. Take their advice and mine carefully. Don’t just listen to your heart, but also think; don’t just think, listen to your heart. Heart and head working together increase the odds you will find useful advice amid all the promises and hopes pushed at you by others. As others have noted, take what seems useful, leave the rest.

DISCLAIMER TWO: FORGIVE MY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS  If you need perfect posts, you will not find them here. I will understand if you don’t follow, like or share my blog. Not only am I dealing with an aging brain, but all of my life I have been plagued by dysgraphia–a learning disability. If you hang in with me, thank you.

DISCLAIMER THREE: HERE COMES A SHAMELESS PLUG  Work of mine that is professionally edited can be found in my books, available on Amazon and readable on any tablet, laptop, Mac, PC, e-reader or Kindle device. If you enjoy my blog, please consider purchasing one of my books. Thank you.

When Good Kids Do Bad Things. A Survival Guide for Parents of Teenagers
Parents Are People Too. An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents
Tame the Test Anxiety Monster

Coming soon from MetaPlume: The e-book version of Parents Are People Too, then How to Hold a Successful Family Meeting, then a When Good Kids series followed by other out pourings  from my leaking brain.

You might also enjoy my Emotional Fitness Pinterest Board



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