Stop Hiding – Three Tips

Hiding if someone is after you or others with a gun, is smart. Keeping secrets because you fear someone else’s opinion is not, but we all do.

Picture of Orchid Mantis, an insect that hides its menace by looking like a flower.

We are social creatures; we want others to like us; human nature  bids us to put forth our best side while keeping some things hidden. As with all things, however, hiding what we think others won’t like can be taken too far.

Emotional Fitness Training Quick Tips

Emotional Fitness Tip One: Know what and why you are keeping a secret. 

Some woman hide in Burkas, others in modest dress, and some keep little about their bodies secret. Why the differences? urka wearing might be responding to cultural pressure or a husbands fear his wife will wander, or the woman’s own desire not to have to worry about looks when going out in public. I can identify with the final reason, but not with hiding my face.

Modest dress is the middle way and even here we all have our personal interpretations of modesty. I like, even at the age of 78 to show a little cleavage; for many others modesty means covered up to the neck, loose fitting clothes, long sleeves, long skirts, no pants. I mostly dress that way when attending religious services of any denomination.

The third – keeping little to anyone’s imagination could be celebratory, but also could hide fears one has little besides the body when it comes to attracting others.

Then there are men’s way of dressing. Suit and tie for respectability, tight jeans to show virility, nearly nude to show buffed abs and strong arms and legs, gangsta pants to announce you aren’t to be fooled with.  And yes, each form of dress can also hide secret fears and doubts.

Emotional Fitness Tip: Realize the damage done by hiding most things about yourself, particular your fears, hurts, and angers. 

There is a type of divorce that is growing daily called “The Runaway Wife.” The good seemingly happy wife, who suddenly flees her marriage. Also called “The Seven Year Itch” as applied to men.

The hope is always that something better awaits, but as this poem notes:

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For most humans the hope for something better is a false hope. Why? We bring our baggage to the new and when the newness fades, the old issues remain.

Emotional Fitness Tip Three: Put shame in its place by practicing imperfection. Start small, but don’t hide the real you. Go to this  post for more about how to do that.

This is particularly true when it comes to relationships and trying to avoid conflict or make nice. The real trick is to “Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t say it mean.”

As always good self-soothing skills help. And yes, here’s a commercial, my eBook, Self-soothing to Create Calm In Your Life  has 30 exercises all specifically designed to calm stressed feelings. As with all my Emotional Fitness Training eBooks, they cost less that a latte.

PARENTING ADVICE

Although some parenting gurus point the finger of blame for a child’s sense of shame, shame develops spontaneously between the ages of two and four. Shame is a strong emotion designed by nature to keep humans from doing the unthinkable. It first appears when an older sibling finally has the strength to do considerable damage to a bothersome younger sibling.

This is why it is important to actively teach children how to handle their mad and bad feelings: the Care Plan comes in handy for doing that.Go here to read more about the Care Plan and other tips to help children who struggle with shame.

thank you for all you

Practice kindness by rating this material. Doing so helps me. This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful. One star – Reinforced my knowledge. Two Stars – New information. Three stars – New useful information; Four stars – Very good. Five stars – Excellent. Also if you did not find it helpful, tell me what might have made it more useful.

Finally remember sharing is caring. and an act of kindness. Share this post if you found it useful.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time.  I work on doing that all the time.

Katherine

This post relates to WordPress’s Daily Prompt  Saved by the Bell  Tell us about a time when you managed to extract yourself from a sticky situation at the very last minute.

What immediately came to mind was being sixteen and at a party, when I suddenly realized the fly on my Lee jeans was open.  I did not handle that well, I exited the party on fleet feet. I thought people would think I had been doing more than necking with my boy friend. Not true, but the shame that others might think so set me running away. So stupid shame triumphed then.

LINKS OF INTEREST

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Emotional Intelligence (en.wikipedia.org)
The five components of Emotional Intelligence (www.sonoma.edu)
Twelve Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises (amazon.com)

Agree or disagree, comments are always welcomed.