Common refrain: “Take a Chance.” Reality check chance’s definition: what happens not by design, often by accident and often bad. What to do? Accept.
My favorite explainer of how we become who we are, Harvard researcher Jerome Kagan, lists chance as one of the major things shaping us as we walk through life. Flies in face of the happiness gurus, but works for me.
Radical acceptance is the brain child of Marsha Linehan. The EFTI’s poster coach above details the steps needed to practice her concept. Go to her link for more.
Emotional Fitness Training Tips
Emotional Fitness Training Tip One: Know the difference between everyday hurts and life blows what the experts call trauma.
As noted above sometimes a Life Blow hits so hard, you can only stand where you are and hope you can keep breathing.
Emotional Fitness Training Tip Two: Be aware of the live blows that do not immediately bring you to a stand still. Many only stop you for an hour, or even a day or two, but in time they wear you down and you cannot do what you need to do. This Trauma Measuring Thermometer may help.
Emotional Fitness Training Tip Three: Strengthen all your Emotional Fitness Training Skills. Every one of our exercises raises your EQ also known as EI and that stands for Emotional Intelligence. EI is the proven way to find the good life. Go here for some easy exercises to improve your EI .
Two eBooks will be particularly helpful in strengthening you to withstand trauma. Twelve Emotional Fitness Exercises and Self-soothing To Create Calm in Your Life. As always my ebooks cost less than a latte or a movie and have more value.
When a young child is hurting, start your comforting with “Bad things happen.” When the child is calming say, “Bad things end.” When the child is ready to go on, say, “You have gathered your strength and going on.”
As always, help by teaching both rating and self-soothing skills.
Also teach to recognise and seek the helpers when trouble brews. As Fred Rogers noted; “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day, especially in times of “disaster,” I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.”
James Garbarino is one of my gurus. I was lucky to have him train my staff and I while managing mental health crisis teams serving children and families before, during and after 911.
I assigned these three of his books to my students at Columbia University’s School of Social Work.
- “What Children Can Tell Us: Eliciting, Interpreting, and Evaluating Information from Children.” Jossey-Bass Social and Behavioral Science Series by James Garbarino and Frances M. Scott 1989.
- “Raising Children in a Socially Toxic Environment” San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Publishers 1995
- Lost Boys: Why Our Sons Turn Violent and How We Can Save Them” Free Press – 1999
Any one of them will help your child. And here is a quick video by my favorite parenting guru Jean Tracy videos.
Finally, seek professional help for you and all your family with any traumatizing event.
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO
Remember sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful. Share it even if it doesn’t speak to you, it will speak to some. Didn’t like it? Comment and tell me why and how to improve.
This post was inspired by this WordPress Daily – Take a Chance on Me What’s the biggest chance you ever took? Did it work out? Do tell!
My mother made me a risk taker by constantly saying “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” Thank you Mom and most of the chances have turned out okay. Riding a few difficult horses led to some bad falls, I’ve had my heart-broken a few times, and then there was being in the Bronx during 9/11. Lucky me, I was able to keep crawling ahead. If I review my life it rate mostly at a seven.
OTHER LINKS OF INTEREST
These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.