Emotional Fitness THOUGHTS
We all get angry, even the Dali Lama knows the feeling. At least I suspect so, but he has had a life time of training to keep it in its place. Anger should prod us to right wrongs, but not by warring or assaulting others unless we or others are being physically attacked.
The Behaviorists say anger is the interruption of a response sequence. You want to do something, but cannot. The Cognitive Theorists add the thought that not getting what you want creates un-certainty aka anxiety, a painful emotion that we try to avoid by casting blame. If we blame ourselves, we are visited with depression. If we blame another or a group of others anger grows.
EMOTIONAL FITNESS TIPS FOR COMBATING ANGER and Hate
Anger turns to hate when it is held too long in our hearts and brains; letting go of anger is essential if we and the world are to find peace. The Feeling Management experts all say “Disobey negative feelings.” To disobey is to the opposite of what the feeling urges. Anger urges hurting and fighting. The opposite is caring and kindness. Not easy, but within everyone’s reach.
Tip one: Obey the feeling management experts. Express your anger, but in ways that go against the urgings of anger and its cousin hatred.
Tip two: In order to act against what anger and hatred urge, the first step is to realize and acknowledge to yourself what you are feeling. Denying feelings does not work. Recognizing what you are feeling helps prevent the build up of their power. Some even suggest greeting them by name. “Hello anger, I see you are visting.”
Tip three: As soon as you are aware of anger or hatred start self-soothing. Taking a Calming Breath, using calming self talk, consciously tense and relax your body.
Tip four: When you feel the power of anger fading, practice kindness. Do something caring for the person you are angry at.
Tip five: Learn and practice the skill of forgiveness. More about that in the EFT post, but for now, it is enough to add this to your calming self-talk. “I forgive and am forgiven.”
Tip six: Remember what matters. Anger not only destroys your peace, but can destroy the relationships that matter the most to you. One of the keys to staying strong is having a strong support system. Maintaining caring relationships is more important than anger which will come and go if you let it.
other emotional fitness ways to combat anger
Anger is part of life, but like every feeling it can be managed. My free E-book about the Daily Twelve Emotional Fitness Exercises gives you more tools for taming anger. The constant practice of kindness is one of those exercises and that works best if you practice it for the good feelings that can grow in you whether someone acknowledges or repays your kindness.
You can be kind to me now, by liking, commenting, or sharing these posts. These are acts of social media kindness, easy to practice, and rewarding. So be kind to me and all your media friends. I promise you will be repaid.
THE USUAL PROMOTIONAL STUFF
All my books are available at Katherine Gordy Levine on Amazon
DISCLAIMER ONE: EMOTIONAL FITNESS TRAINING IS NOT THERAPY.
Even the most learned researchers and therapists quarrel about much. Take their advice and mine carefully. Don’t just listen to your heart, but also think; don’t just think, listen to your heart. Heart and head working together increase the odds you will find useful advice amid all the promises and hopes pushed at you be others. As others have noted, take what seems useful, leave the rest.
DISCLAIMER TWO: FORGIVE MY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS
If you need perfect posts, you will not find them here; I will understand if you don’t follow, like or share what like me. Not only am I dealing with an aging brain, but all of my life, dysgraphia–a learning disability has eaten my energy and diminished my productivity. Some of my posts might be peppered with bad spelling, poor punctuation, and worse words that make no sense. If you want to hang in with me, thank you; you are kind. If a post doesn’t make sense or bugs you too much, try reading it a few days later. Often I catch the worse mistakes when I read the post after a few days.