Three Ways to Get Calm So You Can Think About What Matters

A proverb notes, “The bird with the ruffled feathers must get out of the wind.” When your feelings are ruffled,  it is wisest to find calm before  acting.

Emotional Fitness Poster Coach promoting calmness to build Emotional Intelligence

Feelings want you to act quickly and as they suggest. However, feelings are natures way of telling you to pay attention. Good, but the bad is that many sound like 911 sires; useful when danger lurks, but even then one needs to think a bit before acting.

A bear appears in front of you on a hiking trail. Fear urges turning tail and running. Not at all the wisest thing to do. Bears can out run humans, running alerts the bear to your presence and if hungry you will soon be that bear’s dinner.

Best strategy when a bear appears in front of you and is not coming toward you is to speak quietly and slowly back away. For more detailed strategies go to Bear Smart Society web page.

The point is not about safety around bears, although if you are a hiker in bear country there are things you need to know. The main point of this post is that feelings are signals that require thought to be acted on wisely.

Most of the time acting without thought does not get us in mega trouble.  That is why we are encouraged to “Follow our gut” or listen to our intuition.

Intuition or listening to our inner voice works except when it does not work. Regret is the feeling that says acting intuitively did not work.

Regret might visit because we feel guilty about how we acted or did not act; we realize we hurt someone we care about,  someone got angry at us, we got seriously hurt, or we got in trouble with the law.

Whenever a strong feeling begins urging you to act, in order to act wisely, you need to reduce that feeling’s power. Self-soothing exercises are designed to calm you so you can think more clearly about what matters. This post contains four that help with that task

A word of warning: These are exercises that strengthen your ability to create calm. They are not weapons to pull out only in an emergency. Each must be learned and practiced properly in order to help you stay strong when dealing with a strong feeling.  Go here to learn how to properly practice an Emotional Fitness Exercise.  Then read on for some others  exercises that create calm.

Emotional Fitness Tip One: Walking Meditations  are a less well-known  form of meditating, but very useful, particularly when anger visits.

Walking Meditation

Emotional Fitness Tip Two: Of course, there are times you cannot walk, particularly if you need to stomp and chant. Then, what might help is imaging a walk. That is best done in you brain’s sanctuary.  Here’s how to create such a sanctuary.

safe place (2)

If you have trouble visualizing, you are far from alone.  You might be among those who have to use words and not pictures to “visualize.” Here’s a tip, even if you visualize with ease, adding the words strengthens that skill.  Some of you have trouble with both seeing pictures or using words, body movements might help you.

Emotional Fitness Tip Three: Sloganeering or calming self-talk.

Controlling negative self talk by sloganeering.

The brain has a hard time holding two thoughts, repeating slogans such as the ones above soothes and calms.

Emotional Fitness Tip Four: Buy my eBook Self-soothing; Create Calm in Your Life for more exercises that help you stay strong. 


Bruce Perry, the psychiatrist who debriefed the children traumatized by cult leader David Koresh, never sat down to talk with a child about something that mattered without having crayons and coloring books and coloring with the child.

With adult coloring coming into fashion you can use it to self-sooth, and encourage your children to do the same.


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Finally remember sharing is caring. and an act of kindness. Share this post if you found it useful.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time.  I work on doing that all the time. .


This post was not inspired by this WordPress Daily Prompt  Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall. Think of your blog as a mirror: what does it reveal? Consider your blog name, theme choice, design, bio, posts… what does every element tell you about yourself?  Thanks for the great idea, anupturnedsoul!

You have to answer that one. I hope it shows my passion for trying to help, my skill at making the complexities of Emotional Intelligence more easily understood, that I want to make a bit of money doing good, that I am not perfect and struggle with aging but have had a life long struggle with dysgraphia which is why many of posts are error ridden.


These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Emotional Intelligence (
The five components of Emotional Intelligence (
Twelve Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises (


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