TUNNEL VISION DESTROYS RELATIONSHIPS

In a tunnel? Walk toward the light, but hope and do your version of prayer that the light is not a locomotive heading your way. Hope: good. Reality best.

Things change love means seeing beyond the changes that you do not like.

Emotional Fitness Thoughts

Tunnel vision in a relationship refers to the tendency to focus on what is bad rather than the good or hoping and working to make the bad better.

First, there is the decay of lust love. That first spark from who know where that is designed to perpetuate the human race, but fades fast as intimacy grows.

Then there are family ties.  Nothing changes more than family relationships.  As lucky grandparents know, babies grow into  terrible twos, become nice to be with preteens, then in the USA at least,  become  terrible teens and beyond;  but if all are lucky  maturity and a better balanced relationship with parents comes sooner than later.

Finally, there are friendships the break or just fall away from lack of contact or nurturing.

Emotional Fitness Tips

Emotional Fitness tip one: Do not heed the  “Just be happy” gurus advice telling you “Dump those who pull you down.”   You might end up  lonely, very lonely. Better advice learn to nurture the good, particularly in relationships that matter.

Emotional Fitness tip two:  The longer the relationship has existed, the more it will change, but the more staying the course can be satisfying.   Those who weather hard times tend to be more satisfied as they move into old age than those who give up some where along the way.

Emotional Fitness tip three:  Children deserve parents who stay together.  The birth of a child is a crisis for most parents.  Sometimes the joy more than balances the difficulties, but not always.

Most studies show that happiness with a marriage declines rapidly after the marriage whether there are children or not; but, birth of the first child  adds to the inevitable decline.

Finally, studies also show very clearly  that children are hurt by divorce.

Emotional Fitness tip four: The five in one rule nurtures all relationships. What’s that? Five pleasant encounters for each negative.

Emotional Fitness tip five:  Abuse cannot be tolerated, but needs to be clearly defined and therapy sought. The clearest sign of abuse remains physical contact that leaves bruises or red marks.  That is the indicator for child abuse and assault charges,

Emotional abuse is much trickier. Moreover, the Happiness Gurus have made many feel hurt feelings mean you are being abused.  Not true.

Most professionals agree that occasional negative attitudes or actions are not considered emotional abuse. James Garbarino, a national expert on emotional abuse notes  emotional abuse is the persistent, chronic, and unrelenting pattern of verbal behavior that scares, and destroys  the well being of its victim.

We all say and do things on occasion that hurt those we love. In fact the closer the relationship, the more likely we will slip from being kind and gentle.  When balanced by the five in one rule it is not emotional abuse. One what to balance your bad outbursts is to know how to make amends. That means saying sincerely, “I am sorry.”

Emotional Fitness tip six: Therapy and counseling help, but  the counselor or therapist must be competent.  The best counselors  set SMART goals with their clients and use a feed back mechanism to measure the success of the counseling.

STAY STRONG

Life is full of struggles and relationships are full of down moments.  Daily practice of an emotional fitness programs strengthens you for making it through the bad times.   Such programs also improve your relationship with yourself and well as with others.  Here is an introduction to mine.

For all you do to share and care, thank you.  If you like what I say “clap your hands and show it” meaning share, like, or comment, you will help at least two people — me and you, but  hopefully you will also help some others. 

Katherine

This post was inspired by this Word Press Daily Post PromptTunnel Vision – You’ve been given the ability to build a magical tunnel that will quickly and secretly connect your home with the location of your choice — anywhere on Earth. Where’s the other end of your tunnel?

Hopefully, good relationships that nurture me as I nurture. them.

Related links of interest

EFTI FREE POSTER coachEs

Today I offer you two free digital downloads. Both can be found by browsing the EFTIstore. The First:

apology (2)

And the second:

How to set SMART Goals

Agree or disagree, comments are always welcomed.