Three Tips to Get You to Your Goal

“Tis the season” we  vow to do better; but fewer than 10% manage to turn New Year’s Dreams  into achievable goals and avoid the nightmare of failure.

A quick post about dreams, the more you understand the stronger your Emotional Intelligence

SMART goals put you ahead in the reach your dream race. Sad fact few people set goals let along SMART goals.

As Mark Twain, aka Samuel Clemons, noted. “I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life.  The problem is that I can’t find anybody who can tell me what they want.”

I think he meant what they want with enough passion to take action to get what they want.  Our dreams and day dreams often reflect our passions, but sometimes just get in the way when it comes to taking meaningful actiou. This is particularly when our dreams  not grounded in reality.

I call those that are never grounded in reality or put into action”Wannabe Dreams”.  Watch any auditions for shows like American Idol and get acquainted with the vast number of wannabe dreamers.

Good news about Wannabe Dreams: With a little bit of luck, they can be turned into SMART Goals and made more realistic.

Bad news? Using a SMART Goal might mean giving up a Wannabe Dream.

Please note: I am not someone who believes you can get anything you want by your personal efforts. At least one researcher agrees with me. Jerome Kagan, Harvard illuminati, lists chance as one to the eight major forces shaping us.

Oprah says “If I did it, anyone can.”

Inspiring, but not true. She was born with lots of brain power and lots of other talents; she had loving family members who helped her through childhood trauma; she was born when slavery had been abolished and the Civil Rights movement was opening doors for many blacks. Chance favored her.

(Even she, however, has had trouble reaching and maintaining her dream weight. I am happier seeing her advertizing Weight Watchers than I was watching her other efforts to get her dream body. Her current approach is more realistic. )

Emotional FItness Training tips

This is a series of blog posts on SMART Goals. I am working through dealing with the failure of my last years efforts to “Make Money Doing Good.”  I made about 350 dollars last year from Emotional Fitness Training. Not what I had hoped to make. I am using this series to set more realistic SMART Goals for 2016.

Tip one. if you have not read the first two posts of this series, you might want to skim them. Post one is about knowing your mission. Missions about you want to live your life and be remembered when you are on to some other world.

Post two revolves around the idea that “When a goal is not met, the wrong goal was set” and deals with the dissecting why my 2015 goals were not met. Hopefully, that showed you a bit about how to dissect failing to  meet some of your goals.

Tip two: As you mull over your wannabe dream  and not getting to it, ask yourself  some why and how questions. Here are the ones I suggest thinking about.

  1. What do you want. Try visualizing i.e. day dream having reached  your goal. What about getting there is most satisfying? For me getting Emotional Fitness Training solvent would mean it would be around for a while when I have moved on to whatever awaits someone my age.
  2. Why do you want it? For me it is ego. There is also the hope that it is not all narcissism but might do some good.
  3. What are you willing to sacrifice to get to there? In other words where does this goal fit into your other goals?  For me, family comes first. Then friends.  Because EFTI is a passion, I do have to be aware that I can get so locked up in it, I forget what really matters. Last year I did better at not letting that happen.
  4. What barriers do you face? I have five; (1) Dysgraphia which messes up spelling and punctuation – bad news for any wannabe writer. (2) ADHD which leads me to too many other things; things like Facebook, puzzles, the refrigerator, and playing with the Punk, the grands, hubby. (3) Too little time left now that I am pushing 80.(4) Lack of money to hire editing, proof-reading, and technical help.(5) Problems of aging including deafness which has meant I can no longer run workshops and earn money that way and that did make EFTI profitable for many years. I have also been recently dx with Age Related Macular Degeneration which means if I live long enough I’ll not only be  deaf but  blind and probably dumber if not quieter. Fortunately, the progression is slow, so I am able to put this aside as something to worry about later.
  5. What resources do you have for meeting this goal? Let me count my blessings. (1) I am passionate and love all I do to make EFTI strong). (2) My brain is still functioning a bit better than the average bear. (3) I am retired, so  have more time. (4) I am computer literate, not as a programmer but enough to blog and to make poster coaches.  (5) I have followers outside of my family who encourage me.  (6) I am a published author, despite the barriers.  (7)  I was once on Oprah which didn’t make me money but was fun, I have an Oprah Clip that I can use once in a while for PR purposes. Like now.  I have some other useful credentials having taught for many years as an adjunct professor at two Ivy League Graduate Schools, directed mental health crisis teams in NYCity before during and after 9/11 and of course spent nearly 14 years as a foster parent caring for teens in trouble with the law.  (8)  I am stubborn which means I don’t give up easily. (9) I am oppositional which means I challenge others, I think a bit outside of the box, and so much of what I do is more original that what my competitors produce. (10) And of course, while money is a problem I have enough to be here, to live well, and to keep pursuing my dream.
  6. What can you do to make your goal more achievable? What I am doing right now. Next step  is to turn what I have learned into a SMARTer Goal for 2016.
  7. How will you be hurt if your goal is not met?  I’ll be sad, but no one will be physically hurt, killed, or commit suicide because I failed. I will have to ramp up my use of EFT’s Easy Daily Exercises.  I
  8. What might you gain if you cannot reach your goal?  Less stress, more time for what matters most, and the freedom to just write what I want and not what I feel EFTI needs. I do a lot of that already, but can see doing more and more if EFTI sinks. Who knows I might finish my long neglected novel about Merlin and Meredyth.

Tip three: Put your thoughts in writing.  That is what I have been doing with these blog post.  I am much clearer about where to go next. But that is for my next blog post.


Thank you for all you do.  Thank me by remembering sharing is caring; so is liking, or commenting. Your caring keeps me going.


Today’s critical thinking exercise using this WordPress DAILY PROMPT : A Brand New You, Effective Tomorrow: Tomorrow you get to become anyone in the world that you wish. Who are you? You can choose to be anyone alive today, or someone gone long ago. If you decide to stay “you” share your rationale.

I hope most of you decide to be you. Do you remember the story about a magical being allowing you and others to swap their lives for others they thought happier?  In the end most preferred their own lives. So it is with me.

Of course, I would like a younger body and to be rid of the problems with my hearing and eyesight. That said all the other not so nice things I live with or have lived beyond have made me me. I like me, I like who I am. Aren’t I blessed? Hoping the same for you this and every new day.


These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises (
The five components of Emotional Intelligence ( Intelligence ( Fitness Tips for Parents  (
An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents(



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