Blog Update

At 80 time constricts and the to-do list grows. Sigh. Moreover, it takes longer to do what needs doing and cognitive aging interferes with productivity. Your likes, comments, and sharing keep me going, but I am not going to post daily.

Meanwhile, for daily tips follow me on Facebook. I have an Emotional Fitness Training page there as well an Emotional Fitness Tips for Parents page.  I try to post helpful articles on these pages as well as some laughs and a bit of inspirational stuff.  Thank you all for your patience and your support. You keep me going.

Finding Beauty Strengthens Your Emotional Intelligence: An Emotional Fitness Exercise

Picture and quote about beauty

Emotional Fitness Thoughts

Be With Beauty is one of the 12 Daily Emotional Fitness Exercises.  Two things are involved.  The first? Learning to find beauty every where you go. The second? To be fully aware of beauty when you find it.

Tip one: Learn to see beauty everywhere.  Beauty surrounds us, but whether we see it is  a matter of focus.

In the above poster coach, the gold, the sand, the sea are traditionally seen as beauty.  A slimy, salt-encrusted, seaweed dripping piece of driftwood is by some seem as a thing of beauty, by others not.

Focus on one grain of sand? Not likely to be viewed as beautiful. See it viewed through under a microscope and a new spectrum of beauty opens up.

When beauty is not immediately visible narrow your focus. Find a picture in a museum unappealing? Focus on what you do find appealing. Perhaps that is a color, the way a line swirls, or how a form takes shape.

Tip two: Cultivate the ability to be fully aware of beauty when you find it. All EFT’s exercises are most effective when practiced with full awareness.  Full awareness is achieved by using the One Minute Meditation or  OMM as you do the exercise. How to OMM for full awareness:

  1. Take  Calming Breath by breathing in slowly, holding your breath for a count of five, then breathe out slowly.
  2. Breathe normally.
  3. Focus on the exercise.
  4. When your mind begins to wander, take another Calming Breath and refocus or end the exercise by taking another Calming Breathe, smiling gently and saying “Thank You.”

Tip three: Practice is a must.  K. Anders Ericsson the worlds leading expert on skill building  says it takes 10,000 hours of practice to develop the skills needed to become an expert or star performer in every field.

That may sound like bad news, but only if you are reaching for an Olympic Gold Medal or to debut at Carnegie Hall.  Being with Beauty requires much less practice. However, a bit of practice is needed which is why this exercise as with all Emotional Fitness Training Exercises can be practiced in less than a minute.

One word of caution, as you begin to learn to Be With Beauty, practice mainly when you are reasonably calm. As your skill using this exercise builds, you can use it as a soothing exercise, but trying that too soon defeats its soothing power.

Tip four: Surround yourself with beauty. Practicing Being With Beauty is mega-easy when you surround yourself with what you find beautiful. At my desk I have a lovely seashell, some flowers, and on the wall a picture I love.. When stress builds or I want a quick mini-break, I can be with one of these.

Tip five: Use a practice reminder.  EFT’s Poster Coaches are designed to be printed up and posted where you will see them and be reminded to practice. Add another practice reminder to the Poster Coach. When your phone rings, or during commercials.

Tip six: When you go out into the real world look for beauty and breathe it in and always remember to be grateful.  

Visit my Be With Beauty Pinterest Board. If you want to be a Be With Beauty photographer, let me know at [email protected] and I will send you details about how to share your Being With Beauty pictures with others.

Be kind to me by liking, commenting on, or sharing this and other EFT posts.  If you are not subscribed to my blog, subscribe now. Be even kinder by buying one of my eBooks. They cost less than a latte or movie and last longer. Kindness is karma, sharing is caring. Here is  my Amazon’s Author Page 


Links of Interest

Adhuminiem, Do You Know What It Means? 3 Tips To Strengthen Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Fitness Training® is about thinking logically.  Doing so improves your emotional intelligence.

Ad Huminem a fallacy all should guard against to improve their emotional intelligence.

The more you can spot logical fallacies, the stronger your critical thinking skills. This post focuses on the fallacy of attacking the person instead of the argument. The Media uses ad hominem attacks to awaken your urge to buy things. How? One way is by promoting perfection. Because we are all less than perfect images of perfection make us doubt ourselves.  Doubt or uncertainty is a hypnotic tool to put you deeper into a trance where suggestions become more powerful.

I’m over-weight, wrinkled, my hair is white, and I am old.   I generally accept me as I am. However, I do get a bit angry that all women achieving fame as TV journalists are slender, seemingly wrinkle-free, have long perfectly coiffed hair, are 40 years old or younger, and finally, possessed of perfect teeth. That little bit of anger says I feel threatened by my imperfections.

Other ways ad hominem is used: The constant promoting of youth attacks all old ones. Power ads for cars play into our concerns about what we control or our weakness.

These subtle ad hominem attacks exemplify what I call a Sneaky Hypnotism tactic. I am a trained hypnotist. When you want to get someone into a trance so your suggestions carry more power, one trick is to create uncertainty. You may know many trance inductions call for you to count to ten along with the hypnotist.  Hypnotists will mess around with the counting as a way to create uncertainty during trance induction.  Sneaky Hypnotism creates doubt and uncertainty to pull you into a trance.

Why do advertisers want to make you uncertain? Uncertainty and doubt create fear; fear is designed to caution you to be careful. All fears push us to find safety. Images that suggest a way to reduce a fear or doubt about you sell products and services.

Other ways advertisers use Sneaky Hypnotism? Rhythmic pulsating music, images, getting people to relax, repetition of short phrases – think of Nike’s “Just Do It”.

What to do? Here are three Emotional Fitness Training Tips that will not only protect you from Sneaky Hypnotism but strengthen your emotional intelligence:

Tip one: Strengthen your awareness of  Sneaky Hypnotism in general. Here’s a link that will help you understand trance inductions and hypnotism better.

Tip two: Be alert when someone says “Imagine.” That word is always an invitation to a trance. 

Tip three: Strengthen your awareness of Logical Fallacies. Facebook debates, all advertising, and personal arguments about religion or politics provide endless opportunities to improve your critical thinking skills.

Thank you and stay strong. Remember what matters, be grateful, laugh and play, forgive, and practice Kindness

Be kind to me by liking, commenting on, or sharing this and other EFT posts.  If you are not subscribed to my blog, subscribe now. Be even kinder by buying one of my eBooks. They cost less than a latte or movie and last longer. Kindness is karma, sharing is caring. Here is  my Amazon’s Author Page 


Links of Interest

Laughing Strengthens Your Emotional Intelligence When Things Are Tough

          When you cannot laugh, depression lurks; but is it depression or a reaction to pains all face at one time or another.

Although inspired by my tendency at times to be or be seen as a Cranky Old One (COO) or a Weary Old One (WOO), no matter what a person’s age, stress, and pain reduce happiness and well being. Everyone has moments or even days of feeling sad or “depressed.” Not everyone is, however, depressed.

One ten question survey I answered honestly found me diagnosed with Major Depression. I was presented with this questionnaire, in my doctor’s office when trying to discover the cause of increasing pain. I had accurately predicted the result if I answered the questions honestly. Refusing to take it would have seen labeled uncooperative. Lying was probably the best way to have gone, as now I have a mentally ill diagnosis on my medical chart.

I let every new doctor I see know that I disagree with that diagnosis and why. They offer to take it off the chart, but I find it useful to start a dialogue about the difference between dealing with ongoing painful problems and depression.

Major depression involves a growing inability to do what needs doing, including just getting up in the morning; loss of most if not all pleasures, over-use of chemicals or other activities that once offered temporary release; increasing despair accompanied by thoughts of suicide. An even trickier depression symptom is increased irritability often accompanied by angry outbursts and thoughts or acts of violence.

Once upon a time, something called Reactive Depression described relatively normal responses to painful events. Now Reactive Depression is called an Adjustment Disorder. Both are considered a response to stress and expected in time the person is expected to “adjust” and become symptom-free. However, when the stress or pain never really ends, adjusting becomes harder and harder. Ask anyone suffering from chronic illness, a trauma reaction, or what is called Frail Old Age.


Emotional Intelligence tip one: Be grateful for the good, do not deny the bad.

Emotional Intelligence tip two: Reduce expectations of others. You are the owner of your problems, others rarely get how you really feel or are. If I have a memory lapse and mention it, kind people rush to assure me, they too have memory problems. If at forty or fifty their memory problems are as bad as mine, they should be worrying about themselves.

Emotional Intelligence tip threeDo what you can when you can and the best you can.

Emotional intelligence tip four: Find Cheerleaders, Truth Speakers, and Complaint Partners. Everyone needs several of each. A cheerleader praises and acknowledges efforts; a Truth Speaker tells you stuff you do not necessarily want to hear, but that reins in your delusions and cuts through denial; a Complaint Partner allows you to vent without having to judge or try to cheer you up.

Emotional intelligence tip five: Strengthen your self-soothing skills. Laughter is one. Indulging in a Healthy Pleasure another. Go here for an introduction to four more. Use your visit to subscribe to my blog. You will get email notices of my blog posts, you can ignore them or even block them but doing so will improve my blog ranking and help me continue my efforts to stay strong.

Emotional intelligence tip six: Practice forgiveness. Start with forgiving others, but work just as hard to forgive yourself any flaws or mistakes.

Thank you and Practice Kindness by liking, commenting on, or sharing this and other EFT posts.  Be even kinder by buying one of my eBooks. They cost less than a latte or move and last longer. Kindness is karma, sharing is caring. Here is  my Amazon’s Author Page 


Links of Interest

Thoughts About Slavery Inspired by Martin Luther King, Jr.

Martin Luther King, Jr. Quots

King inspired us, but his memory is being darkened by hate. The darkening involves using history to justify current anger.

Slavery existed before writing existed and has been accepted as the right of the powerful over the weak. Slavery began when those defeated in war but not killed were made the property of the victorious. Eventually, other sources were sought and the slave trade grew.

Think about slavery – clearly a travesty against humankind, but one that illustrates the use of history to inflame. How? Vilifying any of the founding fathers who owned slaves. Thomas Jefferson being a case in point.

He owned slaves, moreover, it also seems he fathered children on Sally Hemmings one of his slaves. Not justifiable. No longer acceptable, but universal behavior at the time, and continuing today.

Although outlawed in all countries since 2007, there are an estimated 20 to 36 million slaves worldwide today. There are more slaves throughout the world than at any other time in history.

According to the University of Houston’s Digital History Web page, “… it continues through such practices as debt bondage, serfdom, domestic servants kept in captivity, certain adoptions in which children are forced to work as slaves, child soldiers, human trafficking and forced marriage.”

What do to?

One: Stop hate in all its forms.

Two: Do not use history to teach hate but for learning about evil. Pulling down statues is an act of revenge and hate.  Instead, append each statue with bronze plate that acknowledges the evil but also that evil is a failure of community, not an individual,

Three: Direct your energies toward ending slavery in our time. Support agencies devoted to ending modern-day slavery.

Four: Practice forgiveness. Doing so requires knowing all humans are flawed and that given that fact anyone of us could be a slave or a slave owner. It is just a matter of time, place and custom.

That does not mean excusing cruelty and evil. Recognize evil, punish evildoers, with undue cruelty and with a sadness that humans remain frail.

Five: Know your prejudices, biases, and irrational hatred. Face them and work to eradicate each one.

Six: Remember what matters: decreasing hate and violence so we can all live in harmony.

Thank you for all you do. Practice Kindness by liking, commenting on, or sharing this and other EFT posts.  Be even kinder by buying one of my eBooks. They cost less than a latte or move and last long. Kindness is karma, sharing is caring. Here is  my Amazon’s Author Page 


Links of Interest