Blog Update

At 80 time constricts and the to-do list grows. Sigh. Moreover, it takes longer to do what needs doing and cognitive aging interferes with productivity. Your likes, comments, and sharing keep me going, but I am not going to post daily.

Meanwhile, for daily tips follow me on Facebook. I have an Emotional Fitness Training page there as well an Emotional Fitness Tips for Parents page.  I try to post helpful articles on these pages as well as some laughs and a bit of inspirational stuff.  Thank you all for your patience and your support. You keep me going.

WHEN SOMEONE HAS DIED

A comforting thought, at least it helps me. What follows is a much longer read about dealing with death, People respond to the death in many different ways.   Much of what is felt varies  depending on many things including:

  • The relationship to the person who died
  • Whether the death was expected or not expected
  • Whether the person suffered before or during the death
  • The cause of death
  • The person’s previous experiences with death
  • The person’s religious or philosophical acceptance of death.

Many people report feeling an initial stage of numbness after first learning of a death, but there is no real order to the grieving process. Some emotions experience dinclude:

  • Denial
  • Disbelief
  • Confusion
  • Shock
  • Sadness
  • Yearning
  • Anger
  • Humiliation
  • Despair
  • Guilt
  • Relief
  • Satisfaction
  • Revenged
  • Happy
  • Ambivalent

These feelings are normal and common reactions to loss. In fact no feeling should be seen as abnormal.  The intensity and duration of will vary widely.   Finally, there may be rapidly shifting moodiness or sudden changes in feeling.

MOURNING A LOVED ONE

Mourning is the natural process and eventually leads to acceptance of the loss. Mourning may include religious traditions honoring the dead or gathering with friends and family to share the loss. Mourning may last months or years.

Grieving is the outward expression of  loss.  Grief is likely to be expressed physically, emotionally, and psychologically. For instance, crying is a physical expression, while depression is a psychological expression.

It is very important to allow the expression these feelings. Often, death is a subject that is avoided, ignored or denied.  Many people report physical symptoms that accompany grief. Stomach pain, loss of appetite, intestinal upsets, sleep disturbances and loss of energy are all common symptoms of acute grief. Of all life’s stresses, mourning can seriously test natural defense systems. Existing illnesses may worsen or new conditions may develop.

Profound emotional reactions may occur. These reactions include anxiety attacks, chronic fatigue, depression and thoughts of suicide. An obsession with the deceased is also a common reaction to death.

.A child’s death arouses an overwhelming sense of injustice — for lost potential, unfulfilled dreams and senseless suffering. Parents may feel responsible for the child’s death, no matter how irrational that may seem. Parents may also feel that they have lost a vital part of their own identity.

A spouse’s death is very traumatic. In addition to the severe emotional shock, the death may cause a potential financial crisis if the spouse was the family’s main income source.  The death may necessitate major social adjustments requiring the surviving spouse to parent alone, adjust to single life and maybe even return to work.

Elderly people may be especially vulnerable when they lose a spouse because it means losing a lifetime of shared experiences. At this time, feelings of loneliness may be compounded by the death of close friends.

A loss due to suicide can be among the most difficult losses to bear. They may leave the survivors with a tremendous burden of guilt, anger and shame. Survivors may even feel responsible for the death.  Seeking counseling during the first weeks after the suicide is particularly beneficial and advisable.

IF YOU ARE LIVING WITH GRIEF

  • Seek out caring people.Find relatives and friends who can understand your feelings of loss. Join support groups with others who are experiencing similar losses.
  • Express your feelings. Tell others how you are feeling; it will help you to work through the grieving process.
  • Take care of your health. Maintain regular contact with your family physician and be sure to eat well and get plenty of rest. Be aware of the danger of developing a dependence on medication or alcohol to deal with your grief.
  • Accept that life is for the living.It takes effort to begin to live again in the present and not dwell on the past.
  • Postpone major life changes. Try to hold off on making any major changes, such as moving, remarrying, changing jobs or having another child. You should give yourself time to adjust to your loss.
  • Be patient. It can take months or even years to absorb a major loss and accept your changed life.
  • Seek outside help when necessary.If your grief seems like it is too much to bear, seek professional assistance to help work through your grief. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to seek help.

 HELPING OTHERS GRIEVE

If someone you care about has lost a loved one, you can help them through the grieving process.  It is also important to know that when someone else greives, it often awakens in you past griefs.  Tears we shed or feelings that are aroused  when offering comfort to another are for ourselves as well as for the person whose grief we seek to comfort.  We should be mindful that our focus must be on the other persons.  We must not withdraw because of our pain, or seek comfort from the grieving person for our losses.  This is the time to be there for the other person’s current loss.

Share the sorrow. Allow them — even encourage them — to talk about their feelings of loss and share memories of the deceased.

Don’t offer false comfort.  It doesn’t help the grieving person when you say “it was for the best” or “you’ll get over it in time.” Instead, offer a simple expression of sorrow and take time to listen.

Offer practical help. Baby-sitting, cooking and running errands are all ways to help someone who is in the midst of grieving.

Be patient. Remember that it can take a long time to recover from a major loss. Make yourself available to talk.

Encourage professional help when necessary. Don’t hesitate to recommend professional help when you feel someone is experiencing too much pain to cope alone.

HELPING CHILDREN GRIEVE

Children who experience a major loss may grieve differently than adults. A parent’s death can be particularly difficult for small children, affecting their sense of security or survival. Often, they are confused about the changes they see taking place around them, particularly if well-meaning adults try to protect them from the truth or from their surviving parent’s display of grief.

Limited understanding and an inability to express feelings puts very young children at a special disadvantage. Young children may revert to earlier behaviors (such as bed-wetting), ask questions about the deceased that seem insensitive, invent games about dying or pretend that the death never happened.

Coping with a child’s grief puts added strain on a bereaved parent. However, angry outbursts or criticism only deepen a child’s anxiety and delays recovery.  Instead, talk honestly with children, in terms they can understand. Take extra time to talk with them about death and the person who has died. Help them work through their feelings and remember that they are looking to adults for suitable behavior.

THANKG YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Remember to share all you find of value on the internet.  All who post crave recognition. A like says “Thank You.” Comments say you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: the blogger, the people you share with, and you for your kindness blesses you.

Katherine

Links of Interest

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Even the most learned researchers and therapists quarrel about much.  Take their advice and mine carefully.  Don’t just listen to your heart, but also think; don’t just think, listen to your heart.  Heart and head working together increase the odds you will find useful advice amid all the promises and hopes pushed at you be others.  As others have noted, take what seems useful, leave the rest.

Disclaimer two: Forgive my grammatical errors

If you need perfect posts, you will not find them here;  I will understand if you don’t follow, like or share what like me.  Not only am I dealing with an aging brain, but all of my life I have been plagued by dysgraphia–a learning disability,  Some of my posts might be peppered with bad spelling, poor punctuation, and worse words that make no sense.  If you want to hang in with me, thank you; you are kind. If a post doesn’t make sense or bugs you too much, stop reading, I will understand.

How To Fret Less About Politics – Six EFT Tips

Funny quotes about politics

Apparently, the rates of clinical depression have increased since Trump took office. Sad, but even sadder are the increases in hate talk and fear-mongering that are now every present in all news.  I would worry less if such increases did not lead of the more unstable to acting violently. either against others or the self. Both remaining silent or and joining the ranting are forms of colluding with the hate. What to do? Try these tips.

EMOTIONAL FITNESS TIPS

Tip one: Remember that hurt seeks affirmation. Your hurts are magnets drawing you to others you perceive as hurt in the same way. As a woman, I have been groped on the subway. Makes me more attuned to victims of more than groping. But rape is not the same as a grope.

Tip two:  Rating hurts helps. Were you beaten unconscious, raped, and left to die or groped in the subway? Were you under fire in a war and watching those around you dying or watching a war movie on television? Are you a hundred pounds overweight or ten? Is letting go of your anger with words the equivalent of beating someone up?

Tip three: A statue of limitation is also helpful. Some of my ancestors were Celts. The Romans started killing and enslaving them, then along came the Christians who finished the job. Should I hate all of Roman descent, all modern-day Christians? Of course not.

The powerful black tribes in Africa enslaved and sold blacks first to the Portuguese and then to the rest of Europe and eventually to white Americans. Should those tribes be outlawed now?

One of my ancestors was a shipwrecked sailor who made it ashore in the late 1600’s. He may have killed Indians; I am sure he kept slaves as he sought a new life a new land. Should I be hated for his behavior? Should Thomas Jefferson be pilloried and hated because, like many of his time, he owned slaves?  Should he be written into history as someone as evil as those who actually captured and sold their fellow beings into slavery? Or modern-day slavers? Logic says no; but many still hate and feel justified in doing violence on that basis.

Tip four: Recognize and rate your flawed behavior. If you are hurting others, particularly physically or engaged in criminal behaviors; you should be feeling bad about yourself.

Tip five: Improve your ability to forgive yourself and others.   Once a day, make a conscious effort to forgive those who have hurt you and then to forgive yourself. Here is a post about forgiveness and letting go. 

Tip five: Strengthen your self-soothing skills. My easy Emotional Fitness Exercises will help you do that. For a quick introduction go here Emotional Fitness Exercises. 

Tip six: Set both a mission for your life, and a SMART Goals for living the best everyday life possible.  Practicing Kindness is the healthiest mission. Get my e-Book Know Your Mission So You Can Reach Your Goals . It costs less than a movie and lasts a lifetime.

Tip seven: Work to improve your critical thinking skills. Look for logical fallacies in your thinking as well as in other people’s thinking. Try finding at least three fallacies a day. The  Fallacy Ref adds a bit of humor to improving critical thinking and will help you learn more about false logic.

Tip eight: Whether face to face or posting on social media, mind your manners. Say what you feel needs saying, but never say it mean.

Thank you for all you do

This is an edited clone of an earlier post. More than applies today.

Remember to share all you find of value on the internet.  All who post crave recognition. A like says “Thank You.” Comments say you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: the blogger, the people you share with, and you for your kindness blesses you.

Katherine

Links of Interest

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Even the most learned researchers and therapists quarrel about much.  Take their advice and mine carefully.  Don’t just listen to your heart, but also think; don’t just think, listen to your heart.  Heart and head working together increase the odds you will find useful advice amid all the promises and hopes pushed at you be others.  As others have noted, take what seems useful, leave the rest.

Disclaimer two: Forgive my grammatical errors

If you need perfect posts, you will not find them here;  I will understand if you don’t follow, like or share what like me.  Not only am I dealing with an aging brain, but all of my life I have been plagued by dysgraphia–a learning disability,  Some of my posts might be peppered with bad spelling, poor punctuation, and worse words that make no sense.  If you want to hang in with me, thank you; you are kind. If a post doesn’t make sense or bugs you too much, stop reading, I will understand.

Safety Lesson To Reduce Needless Stress

When to call 911

“Care shouldn’t start in the emergency room.”  James Douglas

Emotional Fitness Training Tips

Tip one: Make and use a Wallet Card

As those trying to help need to know who you are, who your family is, and a few things about your health; you need to have that information at your finger tips when the need to call 911 or a Crisis Team arise. Fortunately, in today’s world many health providers are giving away what is called a Wallet Card.

Wallet Cards say all that needs saying in a medical emergency including your name, contacts, insurance and relevant medical information. All adults in the family need to be carrying such a card; children should start carrying one once they begin carrying a wallet, purse or back pack.

If your health provider does not give you such a card, you can make your own on an index card. Contact and insurance information goes on one side; relevant medical information, including allergies, chronic health problems and prescribed medications goes on the reverse side. When I have made one for friends and family, I put a bright red border around the medical information it so it can be easily found.

Such information needs to be kept by your landline and plugged into your cell phone as well as kept in your wallet.

Some service providers also give you a copy of your most recent health summary. In fact, federal law says you have the right to a copy of your medical chart. So ask. My service provider gives me an updated summary at every visit as well as a summary of my most recent visit. I have copies of each in my purse and on my desk.

All family members need Wallet Cards. 

Tip two: Take a good first aid course

 

Start with the Red Cross.

Tip three: Educate family members

As soon as children can use a telephone, teach them how to call 911. Practice and rehearse such calls.

Thank you for all you do. Like, comment, or share. and help EFT grow.

Katherine

 

Links of Interest

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

DISCLAIMER ONE: EMOTIONAL FITNESS TRAINING IS NOT THERAPY.  It is a self-care, self-help educational program. Therapy is about healing, Emotional Fitness Training is about strengthening.

Boredom Erodes Emotional Intelligence

With the start of school or the end of vacations and summer fun, boredom can creep into anyone’s life.  Hope this quick exercise helps you stay curious and excited or proud of what you know.

The following Emotional Fitness Exercises also keep boredom from eroding all that is good : Remembering what matters, Practicing kindness, Being grateful, Finding beauty.

Remember to share all you find of value on the internet.  All who post crave recognition. A like says “Thank You.” Comments say you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: the blogger, the people you share with, and you for your kindness blesses you.

Katherine

Links of Interest

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

DISCLAIMER ONE: EMOTIONAL FITNESS TRAINING IS NOT THERAPY.  It is a self-care, self-help educational program. Therapy is about healing, Emotional Fitness Training is about strengthening.