Blog Update

GETTING BACK ON TRACK.

Slowly moving ahead. Please check my Amazon’s author page for updates.  Most of my books cost less than a latte and are healthier.

Revisions of Successful Family Meetings is now available in paperback as is  When Good Kids Get You Into A Gotcha War.

Should you buy this or any of my books please consider leaving a review.  Even bad reviews help.

Remember I have dysgraphia so if spelling and grammar are your things do not read me: at least until I win the lottery and pay an editor.

Thank you.

Katherine

 

 

Communication is response quotes

Thank you for all you do.

Katherine

P.S. Practice kindness by reading, liking, commenting or sharing this post. Think about buying one of my eBooks. They cost less than a latte, last longer, and are healthier. Go to Katherine Gordy Levine’s Author Page in other to see what is available. 

P.S.S. These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Complain Less To Build Emotional Strength

How to stop being a victim.

Wendy Whiners and Chucky Complainers get little respect. When you absolutely need to complain, having a compliant partner works best. 

I have many. Facebook is one. My journal another. My husband for some things, children for other things, some friends for anything. Each pulls me back from the edge of emotional doom.

Before you recruit someone, practice listening to another’s complaints following the rules set out below. Here are the rules:

Listen without interruption.

Offer a bit of sympathy, but don’t go overboard. Too much sympathy can turn a whiner or complainer into a victim. Unless someone has died or been seriously maimed or had a similar life blow, limit sympathy to nods and some neutral verbal expressions to indicate you hear the complaint.

Do not offer advice. The paid complaint partners – therapists – know that advice-giving is rarely helpful. Too often, it recounts what the person already has tried and at its worse, is patronizing. Instead of offering advice say “I know you can figure out on your own what you need to do.”

One exception to the advice rule: Abuse. Your advice should be: “You are not safe, you need to be safe. How can I help?”

If children are involved you must report the abuse to the local hotline. You can do so anonymously but it is best if you can share that you are going to report it – but that is not as important as making the report.

Whether asked for advice or not, always end with an affirming statement; this one usually works: “I know this is a struggle and hard, but I also know you have handled bigger problems. Go do something nice for yourself now and know I am here for you.“

If the same complaint surfaces, again and again, you are entitled to comment on that fact, but still not offer any advice. If it feels right, you might add, “I hope being able to able to vent is helpful.”

Do not ask later for follow-up information. When the complaint session is over it is over. If the person wants to let you know later about a past complaint, listen and treat that as a complaint session.

The relationship needs to be kept equal and it is best if you are true partners. If the person does not use you as a complaint partner figure out how to reciprocate. Bake a cake, take them to dinner. Same thing if you go through a rough patch and call to whine more than usual.

All complaints must be kept confidential.

A few other rules:

A Complaint Partner cannot be at another’s beck and call. Make it clear to any potential Complaint Partners that they can say “Not now” if you call at the wrong moment. You are right to do the same if called at a time you cannot offer support.

Don’t use work colleagues as Complaint Partners about work problems.

Sometimes professional help is needed.

Complaint sessions should always end with an affirmation of the complainer is ability to handle the situation.

Thank you for all you do.

Katherine

P.S. Practice kindness by reading, liking, commenting or sharing this post. Think about buying one of my eBooks. They cost less than a latte, last longer, and are healthier. Go to Katherine Gordy Levine’s Author Page in other to see what is available. 

P.S.S. These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

YOU ARE THE ONE

You are the one most in control.

And yes, sometimes you aren’t able to control your thoughts, feelings, or actions. Work hardest on controlling actions.  When you regret how you acted is proof  you acted without thought. 

And yes, parents tried to teach you that. Not all parental advice is good, but that one was and still is.  The first step remains strengthening your self-soothing skills including your self-talk.

When I feel the push to act quickly, I sing this from an old song: “Slow down you move too fast, got to make the good times last.”

Thank you for all you do.

Katherine

P.S. Practice kindness by reading, liking, commenting or sharing this post. Think about buying one of my eBooks. They cost less than a latte, last longer, and are healthier. Go to Katherine Gordy Levine’s Author Page in other to see what is available. 

P.S.S. These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

SHARING IS CARING! CARING IS KARMA!

Buddha quote about sharing the light

This works only when our light illuminates kindness.

And yes, sometimes your kindness is not repaid by someone else. Then the Karma is having acted with honor and doing what you can to create peace on earth. Stay strong. 

Thank you for all you do.

Katherine

P.S. Practice kindness by reading, liking, commenting or sharing this post. Think about buying one of my eBooks. They cost less than a latte, last longer, and are healthier. Go to Katherine Gordy Levine’s Author Page in other to see what is available. 

P.S.S. These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.