Blog Update

Thanks to SiteGrounds excellent customer service, this blog has been restored and at a price I can afford negotiated. Grateful.

I will at some point, however, let go of this one for Word Press’s Free Blog. Why? Hoping someone will want to continue keeping Emotional Fitness Training alive when I no longer can. That will be easier to do if the blog is free.

Also hoping I can eventually transfer my past posts on this blog to the free one.

As always thank you for your support.

Katherine

STILL WORKING HARD TO TURN MY EBOOKS INTO PAPERBACKS.  Amazon did When Good Kids Get You Into A Gotcha War for me. So grateful. If you buy it, and it is a good gift for parents of teens, please leave a review. Thank you.

 

 

YOU MAKE YOU HAPPY

Quote; Hunter Thompson,

Expect less of others and more of yourself. Others matter, no question, but others stumble, fail, betray, leave, or die. Sad truth. What to do? Spend time every day to nourish yourself. Make caring for you a daily habit.

I don’t mean a habit like brushing your teeth or going to the gym. I mean a habit of deep self-care and indulgence. Create a sanctuary, a place for you where you go to shut out the rest of the world.  If you can make your sanctuary an actual place; if that is not possible create one in your mind. 

This is a visualizing exercise. I know that will make some of you groan and want to throw stones my way. Wait, for if visualizations do not work for you, there is help. How you learn determines whether visualizing will work for you.

To create an imaginary sanctuary, you need to utilize your preferred learning style. Those who have studied how people take in and store information, make the point that while everyone has a mix of seven learning styles, most people use only one or two.

Do you know your preferred styles? Here is a list of what most experts agree are the major learning styles.

  1. Using pictures, images, and maps (visual learning).
  2. Using sounds and music (aural learning).
  3. Preferring words in speech (verbal learning).
  4. Using your body, hands, and sense of touch (kinesthetic and intuitive; gut reaction).
  5. Preferring to think and reason (logical or mathematical).
  6. Preferring to learn in groups or with other people (social learning).
  7. Preferring to work alone (solitary or intrapersonal learning).

Here’s a quick test to see which works best for you. Remember the last time you lost your car or house keys. How did you go about trying to find them? Did you picture where you last had them or did you talk silently to yourself? Also, listen to your body. As you are trying to find those keys, does your body twitch or seem to move a bit?

Have you figured out your preferred learning style? Good, then use it as you create your imaginary safe place. If visualizing is not your thing, trying drawing or writing or self-talk to take you there.

Imaginary sanctuaries can be visited frequently, whenever and wherever needed. To create such a safe place, review your good memory file for places that you experienced as calming and safe. Pick the best of these and see it in as much detail as possible. Then do the following:

  1. Change any unpleasant features.
  2. Add sounds including some soothing music.
  3. Add a pleasant smell. For example, if you think of the ocean, smell the salt.
  4. Add movement: swinging in a hammock, rocking in a chair.
  5. Add mementos that remind you of good times.
  6. Add pictures of people who calm you.
  7. Add anything else that comforts and calms.

Here are some examples of sanctuaries.

A man described his as lying on a large soft cloud floating gently in an otherwise clear sky. His dog is with him. It is sunset. The sky is a palate of gold and purple. The sound is the soft tinkling of some wind chimes. The air smells of fresh-cut grass.

A small boy said his was the on pitcher’s mound at Yankee Stadium. It is before a night game. No players are on the field. There is the smell of peanuts in the air. “Take me out to ball game” is playing. He is lying with his head on a base-pad. He can see the stars.

Mine is on my favorite beach at sunset time  I am lying in a protective dome.  No one can sneak up on me or enter with ut my permission. Despite the dome it feels like I am outside. I feel the warm sand, smell the salt air, hear the crash of the waves, the birds cawing, and see the dolphins frolic in the water.

Using this to self-sooth and stay calm: You might like to make a poster about your safe place. You could draw it, make a collage, or write about it, and pin it up in your home. You might prefer to keep your safe place private. Do what feels right for you.

The important thing is to remember periodically throughout the day to visit your imaginary sanctuary and gather up a few minutes of calm. When you are in your personal sanctuary, take a few minutes to visit your imaginary sanctuary. When you OMM, do so in your imaginary sanctuary.

Over time and with practice you will be able to visit your imaginary sanctuary away from your personal sanctuary and your home, using it as a safe place when stress or negative thoughts come calling.

Remember what matters, be grateful for all you have been given, and practice kindness.

Katherine

P.S. Practice kindness by reading, liking, commenting or sharing this post. Think about buying one of my eBooks. They cost less than a latte, last longer, and are healthier.  Create Calm In Your Life is the newest. Then there is this one When Good Kids Get You In a Gotcha War which is now out in paperback.  

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

 

 

Be Warned, Detecting Evil Is Not Easy

My Personal Experiences With Evil 

I admit my bias at least the ones I am aware of. As do all bias, mine reflects my personal life experiences. 

I believe most people want to either be left alone or to live a life based on goodness. However, my experiences have exposed me to another side. 

Because I lived with a few kids who raped those they could, threatened and wanted to kill my husband, me and sadly my kids, who tried to torture our dogs. I know that many guilty of evil deeds can hide behind a kind face.

Early in my social work career. I became involved with Bernie Nathanson’s pro-abortion  movement. At the time he was unmarried and the head of NARAL, the National Association for the Repeal of Abortion Legislation. Abortion was illegal.

He was the director of the OB-GYN service at Woman’s Hospital and rightfully concerned about the fact that for every woman who had money and could get an abortion, four clinic patients were denied one. My staff and I were part of a larger group that evened the odds.

Bernie eventually married and had a child. He then saw what to him had just been a “fetus” as a child and became militantly anti-abortion and the producer of the movie The Silent Scream. 

By then I had been asked to join the Columbia University School of Social Work and had lost touch with him.  I did not lose touch with the horror of illegal abortion.  So I remained pro-abortion but not if the baby was viable; then I am pro-life.

While teaching at CUSSW, I was exposed to Richard Cloward and Frances Fox Piven. He was an arrogant alcoholic, and she the brains of the two. The Cloward and Piven Strategy for promoting revolution seems to me to drive what is happening today.

That strategy? Overwhelm the welfare system so no one is happy or served and then are ripe for seducing into overthrowing the government. I did not get tenure but was “allowed” to teach as an adjunct until I retired. Every academic I met wanted to and did promote their personal biases particularly once they got tenure. Understandable human behavior, but education should be teaching critical thinking and as the years went on, bias was taught instead.

When our firstborn entered puberty, we stopped being foster parents and returned to our careers. I also became a published author, mainly because of having lived with 366 foster children. I was on Oprah to hawk the book When Good Kids Do Bad Things. That only sold well in the Spanish edition. 

Eventually, I ended up working for or fourteen years in the South Bronx as the director of children’s crisis team. I worked mostly in Mott Haven where the drug lord’s ruled; I saw fights and shoot outs. A staff member’s son was murdered by a gang.

That job als introduced me to interagency corruption. So many people doing more good for themselves then the clients they professed to serve.

One was my staff member from Peru. I had helped him become legal, arranged to have his M.S W paid for. I thought he was caring and honest. Then I discovered he was ripping off our clients. 

It did not help that my less than honorable boss at the time defended my cheating staff member, and blamed it on a woman’s influence. That boss had lost his license for having sex with a client. I think he kept his job because he was good at getting people to tell him their secrets and that kept him safe. 

On 911 I saw the second plane hit the towers as I was driving to my job in Mott Haven. A school mate of my son was on the first plane.

My crisis team had evolved at that point into two service teams serving as components of a Federally Funded grant known as The Mott Haven Project which lead to an agency knows as F.R.I.E.N.D.S. The grant was to promote interagency cooperation and to empower parental voices in the decision-making process. Worthy goals.

Two of my staff were downtown when the planes hit. When one called to say she was trying to get back to our office, I naively suggested she take a bus instead of the subway.

Her response, “Katherine, you don’t get it, nothing is working, the air is full of smoke and dust.”

Chagrined, I told her to not come to the office but to get home to her family. Four or five hours she was safe with her children and my other staff member was also home.  A two-mile trek for each. 

One of the state watchdogs overseeing the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. program and grant was afraid of taking the train back to his office in Albany. My husband and I drove him there that night. That was a surreal experience. The glow in the south as the towers burnt, the cars and trucks heading toward that glow but now not moving.

A side note: The man we drove up-state eventually became the lover of the director of F.R.I.E.N.D.S., and joined her efforts to get me fired.

Another side note, the first director of the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. program had an affair with federal overseer of the grant. Both were discovered and asked to resign.  

The two programs I directed were the only ones that were eventually succeeded. At least two of the others were mired in the corruption that South Bronx politics was known for.  I am not sure about the third one.

Finally, I am a Jew. I know the hatred of anti-Semitism. 

I have been fortunate that with all these personal experiences of the evil humans can do, I was more exposed to good people. I am grateful to have known so many.  Those have given me hope good will prevail.

At the same time, I have no delusions that everyone is good. I advise you to remember that while few are evil. evil can be like a virus infiltrating your drinking water.

My advice: be careful, trust, but slowly, judgeon deeds, not appearances. 

SOME FINAL WORDS

Remember what matters, be grateful for all you have been given, and practice kindness.

Katherine

P.S. Practice kindness by reading, liking, commenting or sharing this post.Think about buying one of my eBooks. They cost less than a latte, last longer, and are healthier.  Create Calm In Your Life is the newest. Then there is this one When Good Kids Get You In a Gotcha War which is now out in paperback.  

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

 

 

A GOOD WAY TO PLAY

 Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

Strnghen your Emotional Intelligence. Learn play a musical instrument.

There are lots of ways to play. Playing a musical instrument is a good one. 

If you do not know how to play a musical instrument, remember your voice is one. Be not discouraged if your voice isn’t mellow; I sing in the shower and when driving alone in the car.

SOME FINAL WORDS

Practice kindness by reading, liking, commenting or sharing this post.  

Katherine

P.S. Think about buying one of my eBooks. They cost less than a latte, last longer, and are healthier.  Create Calm In Your Life is the newest. Then there is this one When Good Kids Get You In a Gotcha War which is now out in paperback.  

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

 

 

Don’t Think You Pray? Think Again

 Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

How we all pray.

Prayers of gratitude, meaning a heart-felt thank you, are always answered, for they strengthen you.

SOME FINAL WORDS

Practice kindness by reading, liking, commenting or sharing this post.  

Katherine

P.S. Think about buying one of my eBooks. They cost less than a latte, last longer, and are healthier.  Create Calm In Your Life is the newest. 

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.