How Emotionally Fit Are You- A Brief Test Plus Five Helpful Tips

An Emotional Fitness Snapshot Plus Three EFT Tips 

Rate yourself on the indicated scales. Note your score for each question and then add all the individual scores together for a final score.

1.What is your general mood?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Fantastic

Very Good

Okay

Not Good

Suicidal

2. How much is stress a part of your life?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

No stress

Very little

Normal

Some

Too much

3. How do you feel about yourself?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Love self

Like self

Okay

Don’t like

Hate self

4. What are your feelings about most other people?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Love all

Like most

Half and half

Dislike most

Hate most

5. How much time do you spend with fear, worry, or anxiety?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

None

Very little

Some

Too much

Much too much

6. How much trouble do you get into because of anger?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

None

Little

Some

Lots

Arrested

7. How much do you get done despite negative feelings?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

High

achiever

Get all done

Most done

Lots undone

Little done

8. Do you feel you are in control of your life?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Yes

Mostly

More then not

Very little

Not at all

9. Do you take action and then wonder why you did not think first?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Never

Rarely

Now and then

Often

Too often

10. Do feelings seem to come out of the blue and surprise you with their intensity?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Never

Occasionally

Half and half

Lots

Often

11. When a strong feeling visits can you stay calm enough to act wisely /

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Always

Usually

Mostly

Not

Arrested

12. In a dispute of any kind, do you listen closely enough to the other person’s point of view to find some common ground?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Always

Mostly

Often

Rarely

Never

13. Would you be described as a leader or a follower?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Lead

Mostly lead

Bit of both

Mostly follow

Follower

14. Are you honest?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

To a fault

More than not

Mostly

Depends

Arrested

15. Are you a giver? Do you act kindly or take more than you give?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

To a fault

More than not

Mostly

Mostly take

Taker

16. Do manners matter to you?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Absolutely

Yes

Usually

A little

Not at all

17. Have you been easy on yourself or hard in answering these questions?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Hard

Mostly hard

Half and half

Mostly easy

Easy

18. How much would those who know you well agree will with your answers reflect you?

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Score

Definitely

Mostly

Half and half

Somewhat

Little

Total score _________

How to score: Obviously, the higher your score the more you control negative feelings. However, while you scored 90,  you might be an Emotional Fitness Super Star or you might be lying to yourself.

Most people will score somewhere in the middle.

40 or below and you need to improve your emotional fitness; 18 would indicate the need for therapy.

Remember EFT’s tests are designed to start you thinking and are not research validated. Whatever this test made you think about, you will strengthen your emotional fitness – the ability to manage stress and negative feelings – by following these tips.

Emotional Fitness Training Tips

Tip one: Recognize and rate your flawed behavior.  Rating things is an important Emotional Fitness Skill. Why? In order to rate you must stop and think. Stopping to think helps you decide the best why to act. For example: Is letting go of your anger with nasty words is not the equivalent of beating some one up, but still hurtful. Better and more emotionally fit to learn to say what you mean, but do not say it mean.

Tip two: Once a day, make a conscious effort to forgive those who have hurt you and then to forgive yourself. Here is a post about forgiveness and letting go. 

Tip three: Strengthen your self-soothing skills. My easy Emotional Fitness Exercises will help you do that. For a quick introduction go here Emotional Fitness Exercises. 

Tip four: Set both a mission for your life, and SMART Goals for living the best everyday life possible.  Practicing Kindness is the healthiest mission. Get my e-Book Know Your Mission So You Can Reach Your Goals . It costs less than a movie and lasts a lifetime.

Tip five: As always Be Grateful, Practice Kindness, and Remember What Matters.

Thank you

Share all you find of value on the internet.  All who post crave recognition. A like says “Thank You.” Comments say you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: the writer, the people you share with, and you as being kind blesses you.

Katherine

Post Inspiration: How this post relates to this  WordPress Daily Prompt: Avid . This was not inspied by this prompt, but the more avid or strong a feeling, the more likely it is to control you and erode your emotional fitness. Go here to learn more about the Daily Prompts.

Links of Interest

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Even the most learned researchers and therapists quarrel about much.  Take their advice and mine carefully.  Don’t just listen to your heart, but also think; don’t just think, listen to your heart.  Heart and head working together increase the odds you will find useful advice amid all the promises and hopes pushed at you be others.  As others have noted, take what seems useful, leave the rest.

Disclaimer two: Forgive my grammatical errors

If  you need perfect posts, you will not find them  here;  I will understand if you don’t follow, like or share what  like me.  Not only am I dealing with an aging brain, but all of my life I have been plagued by dysgraphia–a learning disability,  Some of my posts might be peppered with bad spelling, poor punctuation, and worse words that make no sense.  If  you want to hang in with me, thank you; you are kind. If a post doesn’t make sense or bugs you too much, stop reading, I will understand.

How To Hurt or Fear Less – Six EFT Tips

Funny quotes about politics

Apparently, the rates of clinical depression have increased since November’s election. Sad, but even sadder are the increases in hate talk and fear mongering that are now every present in all news.

I would worry less if such increases did not occasionally lead to some acting violently. Then there are those who ignore calls for violence. The second reaction supports violence and hate by seeming to give silent approval of such acts.

What to do? Try these tips.

EMOTIONAL FITNESS TIPS

Tip one: Remember that hurt seeks affirmation. Your hurts are magnets drawing you to others you perceive as hurt in the same way. As a woman I have been groped on the subway. Makes me more attuned to victims of more than groping. But rape is not the same as a grope.

Tip two:  Rating hurts helps. In the above example, a grope equals a five on a ten  point scale of hurt. Best response – protesting at the moment, than letting go.  Verbal or sexual harassment is my idea of a six and needs you to take personal action. Any thing above a six is probably criminal or violent and you should protest even if you are not the victim.

Tip three: A statue of limitation is also helpful. Some of my ancestors were Celts. The Romans started killing and enslaving them, then along came the Christians who finished the job. Should I hate all of Roman descent, all modern day Christians?

The powerful black tribes in Africa enslaved and sold blacks first to the Portuguese and then to the rest of Europe and eventually to white Americans. Should those tribes be outlawed now?

One of my ancestors was a ship wrecked sailor who made it ashore in the late 1600’s. He may have killed Indians; I am sure he kept slaves as he sought a new life a new land. Should I be hated for behavior of my ship wrecked sailor ancestor. Should Thomas Jefferson be pilloried and hated because like many of his time, he owned slaves?  Should he be written into history as someone as evil as those who actually captures and sold their fellow beings into slavery? Logic says no; but many still hate and feel justified in doing violence on that basis.

Tip four: Recognize and rate your flawed behavior. Is letting go of your anger with words the equivalent of beating some one up? No. But still hurtful. Say what you mean, but do not say it mean.

If you are hurting others, particularly physically or engaged in criminal behaviors; you should be feeling bad about yourself. Bad enough to stop those behaviors, make amends and practice forgiveness.  

Once a day, make a conscious effort to forgive those who have hurt you and then to forgive yourself. Here is a post about forgiveness and letting go. 

Tip five: Strengthen your self-soothing skills. My easy Emotional Fitness Exercises will help you do that. For a quick introduction go here Emotional Fitness Exercises. 

Tip six: Set both a mission for your life, and SMART Goals for living the best everyday life possible.  Practicing Kindness is the healthiest mission. Get my e-Book Know Your Mission So You Can Reach Your Goals . It costs less than a movie and lasts a lifetime.

Thank you for all you do

Remember to share all you find of value on the internet.  All who post crave recognition. A like says “Thank You.” Comments say you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: the blogger, the people you share with, and you for your kindness blesses you.

Katherine

Post Inspiration: How this post relates to this  WordPress Daily Prompt: Fry . No connection except the thought that hate in your heart fries your health and emotional fitness..

 

Go here to learn more about the Daily Prompts.

Links of Interest

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Even the most learned researchers and therapists quarrel about much.  Take their advice and mine carefully.  Don’t just listen to your heart, but also think; don’t just think, listen to your heart.  Heart and head working together increase the odds you will find useful advice amid all the promises and hopes pushed at you be others.  As others have noted, take what seems useful, leave the rest.

Disclaimer two: Forgive my grammatical errors

If  you need perfect posts, you will not find them  here;  I will understand if you don’t follow, like or share what  like me.  Not only am I dealing with an aging brain, but all of my life I have been plagued by dysgraphia–a learning disability,  Some of my posts might be peppered with bad spelling, poor punctuation, and worse words that make no sense.  If  you want to hang in with me, thank you; you are kind. If a post doesn’t make sense or bugs you too much, stop reading, I will understand.

Tiny eBook: Laughing, An Emotional Fitness Exercise

Laughter: A Fun Emotional Fitness Exercise

The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter

Mark Twain, American humorist

So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter.

Gordon Allport, Philosopher and psychologist

FIRST THINGS FIRST

Each Emotional Fitness Training (EFT) exercise is designed to strengthen your ability to control negative feelings. Feelings signal the need to act and an intensely negative feeling signals a need to act quickly, without thinking. When you act before thinking, the feeling bosses you. and you often end up doing things you regret. Think before acting and you are the boss.

How laughter helps you control bossy feelings

1. Laughter strengthens your general emotional and physical fitness.

“People become healthier from laughter,” observes Judy Goldblum-Carlton, a humor therapist at the University of Maryland Hospital for Children’s Division of Pediatric Hematology/Oncology.

She goes on to say, “It improves circulation. When you laugh heartily, every organ is being massaged including your heart, lungs and digestive system. Headaches can just go away. When you laugh the endorphins released make you feel this elation. It makes those big decisions seem so much less important.”

2. A well honed ability to laugh eases tension and or stress.

3. Laughter requires a little thought and that slows down the impulse to act.

4. Laughter provides perspective  to focus you on what matters. What matters?   Being kind and if  you want to be emotionally healthy.

THE LAUGHTER RULES

For laughter to strengthen your emotional fitness certain rules need to be in play.

Rule One: Do not use laughter to make fun or put down other s

All laughter feels good, but laughing at others is cruel and in the long run is not healthy. When you can live at peace with the idea that you and all others humans are flawed in one way or another, you on your way to comedic genius.

If you find an ethic joke particularly applicable to most of the human race, tell it to yourself with your particular group as the butt of the joke. It doesn’t make you laugh told that way, then it is a cruel joke and shouldn’t be told. Since there might be life on Mars, it is time to begin putting alien jokes off bounds. However, you might be able to use Purple People Eater to tell ethnic jokes. If more than one person is involved use dinosaurs, birds or animals, but make sure your dog, cat, canary, parrot, or pet cow isn’t listening.

Rule Two: Laugh lots

The more you can laugh, the healthier you become.

Rule Three: Practice laughing

Nothing funny has to be going on in order to practice laughing.

Here is an EFT exercise designed to practice laughing.

Silent to loud laughter: Start with a smile while you imagine you are looking at a sleeping baby, take a breath and laugh silently for a few seconds; take another breath and do a few soft yogic laughs (ho, ho, ha, ha, ha, ho ho, ha, ha, ha and so on); clap your hands, stamp your feet and continue with the yogic laughs until you are laughing out loud.

Best done in private to avoid being thought insane or inane.

Rule Four: Find or create laughter where and when ever you can

  • Post one-liners and funny cartoons around your home and your work space.

  • Create a joke night ritual with your family.

  • Watch sitcoms

  • Read the funnies.

  • Go to funny movies.

  • Collect and periodically review funny U tube clips.

  • Start a Laughter Club. Dr Madan Kataria started Laughter Yoga in India in 1995, with a group of five people in a park. Now there are laughing clubs all over the world. People gather not to tell jokes or watch funny movies or tv clips, but just to laugh together.

Rule Five: Let others know you are trying to be funny.

Announce your jokes, “That reminds me of a joke.”

Use body language to show you are teasing or making a joke. Put on a happy face.

Avoid gestures that are connected to sarcasm . Those gestures? Lifted eyebrows, rolling eyes and a smirking mouth.

Rule Six: Learn to laugh at yourself.

Learning to laugh at yourself is an important life skills. It comes with realizing you are not the center of the universe and that comes with age and perspective.

A stutterer who has learned to say “Is there an echo around here?” fairs better than the one who speaks less and less for fear of being scorned.

Josh Blue is a master at this. Go Here for a taste of his routine.

Rule Seven: Learn from the professionals.

Watch the comedians particularly those that use self-deprecation as a comedic tool. As noted above Josh Blue is one.

Rodney Dangerfield another. Here’s a quote from his autobiography, It’s Not Easy Bein’ Me. “According to statistics about men in their eighties, only one out of a hundred makes it to ninety. With odds like that, I’m writing very fast. I want to get it all done. I mean, I’m not a kid anymore, I’m getting old. The other night, I was driving, I had an accident. I was arrested for hit-and-walk.”

Susan J. Vamos a plus size comedian uses the following in her show: “Now, get ready for fat lady to sing (and you aren’t going to enjoy it because I’m tone-deaf.)”

Rule Eight: Develop some snappy and humorous comebacks for when your efforts at humor fail.

Here are some samples:

Guess I need more practice before I make it to Last Comic Standing.

I told my writer that wouldn’t get a laugh.

Guess I better stop stealing jokes from a five-year old.

Usually I charge for this kind of performance, you are getting it for free.

Rule Nine: Develop and practice some useful comebacks when someone is giving you a hard time or laughing at you.

Was that supposed to be a joke? (This sometimes gets an apology, particularly if you can say it with a bit of a smile.)

You most have gotten your sense of humor at a Dollar Store sale.

You need to pay more for your jokes

Rule Ten: Be careful when telling dirty jokes.

You really never other people’s dirty joke tolerance level is or who might tell the joke again attaching your name to it.

Rule Eleven: If the other person doesn’t get it or seems hurt or upset, apologize and mean it.

This often happens when you think you are only teasing someone. Tease or tell jokes carefully; and even then watch for responses that say the other person is more hurt than amused. Then you need to apologize.

Rule Twelve: Practice forgiveness, kindness, and letting go.

We all need to forgive others, to ask for forgiveness, to forgive ourselves. Doing so helps us remember what matters and let go of anger or hurt. Forgiveness is easier if you remember no one is perfect.

Here’s a joke that reminds us, no one is perfect:

A young woman is reading aloud the label on her new, fashionably crinkled outfit: “Wrinkles and imperfections are part of the desired look.” Her elderly mother responds: “Now they tell me.”

The following thoughts may help you forgive. In his book The Medusa and the Snail, the biologist, Lewis Thomas observes that we humans “…are built to make mistakes, coded for error…We learn, as we say, by trial and error…because that is, in real life, the way it is done.”

Imperfection in the form of DNA’s mutations is one of creation’s building blocks. Thomas believes that without the ability of DNA to mutate, there would be nothing living but green sludge.

Better in my book to be a living, breathing, imperfect person, than a bit of algae. Of course, bits of algae may not agree.

A FEW LAUGHING EXERCISES

Lion laughter—This is a laughing yoga exercise: Open your mouth wide, stick out your tongue, make your hands into claws, and think of yourself as a lion as you laugh.

Face Feuds—These work well to get squabbling children into a better mood. Without talking or touching the other person, communicate your feelings with your face.

The High Five Laugh:When there is something to celebrate, start High Fiving the people in the room as you smile and then laugh.

The Evil Laugh: When you want to make light of some less savory scheme either yours or another’s, either twirl a fake mustache or rub your hands together while saying “he, he, he. he, he”.

Use this one as an icebreaker  if you lead workshops

Hello, How are you laughter:”  Teach the Namaste greeting:(putting your hands together palm up and held about your breast bone, bow your head while smiling softly).Then line everyone up in two groups facing each other and have them greet each other while turning the smile into a ho, ho, ha, ha, laugh.. \Ring a bell to signal moving onto the next person.

WHEN MORE IS NEEDED

God gave us crying so other folks could see when we needed help, and help us.

Joshilyn Jackson, American author

You may need more help than one EFT exercise provides. Trying some more of EFT’s exercises might do the trick. Probably the best place to start is with our e-Book Self-Soothing to Create Calm in Your Life.

When a bit more is needed, try the following

A Support Group:The right support group might help. Look for a support group that involves more than just getting together to complain. Minimally, a support group should involve sharing information in a useful way. The best support groups also affirm strength and help members stay in touch with all that is good while allowing some time to deal with releasing frustration.

Some Coaching: Getting the help you need often starts with coaching. Sometimes having a formal relationship with a coach who will cheer you on and hold you accountable works wonders.

Be clear when professional help is needed

When you cannot laugh, particularly at the things that once amused you, you need professional help. When laughter has been absent from your life for more than a few weeks, you have either been traumatized or visited by a major depression. When that is the case need more than self-help. you need to think seriously about professional help and that means seeing a therapist

Emotional Fitness Training® is not therapy. Therapy has to do with healing. Emotional Fitness Training® programs have to do with strengthening. If you cannot function – get up out of bed, do the things that have to be done, find some pleasure in life, laugh and play, you need more help than a self-help course can provide.

Talk to your physician about where you can go for help. Life can be better. You deserve happiness.

ALMOST THE END

Thank you reading this far.

I have been told the way to find inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two chocolate bars, three cups of coffee, a plate of ice cream and finally this book.

You have finished this book. Hope it brought a chuckle or two.

If you have found reading Tiny e-Book, practice kindness by sharing it with some others. Practicing Kindness is another easy Emotional Fitness Exercise.

 * * * *

How To Be In Touch With Me 

Emotional Fitness Training’s Blog

Emotional Fitness Training on Facebook  

Emotional Fitness on Pinterest

Katherine’s Amazon’s Author Page


About Emotional Fitness Training, Inc

I founded Emotional Fitness Training, Inc in 1986 for the purpose of sharing knowledge and making some money doing good. Did not make much money, but hopefully my efforts have done some good.

My programs put into practice what Daniel Goleman wrote about in his best-selling book Emotional Intelligence. His book is theory based. My EFT exercises put theory to work. Hopefully, the book you have just read demonstrates that.

About Me As Written By Someone Else

Katherine Gordy Levine is a mother, grandmother and foster parent to almost 400 troubled teens;s he is also an accredited therapist; she has taught for twenty years at Columbia University’s School of Social Work as well at Smith College’s School of Social Work; she directed mental health crisis programs for families and children in the poverty and crime ridden South Bronx; she has trained other crisis teams dealing with youth at risk of imprisonment or hospitalization; she has\put in 20 years working as a professional speaker, workshop leader , and Emotional Fitness Trainer; finally, she is an author of over 20 books.

How To Like Yourself More – Six EFT Tips To Help.

Self esteem cartoon

Would you be hurt if someone said your were a purple-faced and body-striped robot?  Most likely you would think that person  crazy or joking. Actually, it is high self-esteem that takes the sting out of insults. Insults hurt when we think they apply to us.

EMOTIONAL FITNESS TIPS

Tip one: Face this Brute Fact – Perfection does not apply to people. We all have flaws; some donated by nature, others the gift of our culture, and most gifted by living other imperfect being.

Tip two:  Remember what matters –What is that?  As all the sages and researchers know that is not what you own, but living a life of kindness.

Tip three: Set both a mission for your life, and SMART Goals for living the best everyday life possible. Get my e-Book Know Your Mission So You Can Reach Your Goals . It costs less than a movie and lasts a lifetime.

Tip four: Rate your flawed behavior. Do you see a dirty car or dust bunnies under the bed as criminal acts?  Is letting go of your anger with words the equivalent of beating some one up? Is being over-weight a sin against the world?  Do you believe bad thoughts are the same as bad actions?

If you are hurting others, particularly physically or engaged in felonious behaviors; you should be feeling bad about yourself. Bad enough to stop those behaviors.

Tip five: Make amends and practice forgiveness. When you have hurt someone apologize. For large hurts, make an amends. Always work to gain better control that type of bad behavior.

Once a day, make a conscious effort to forgive those who have hurt you and then to forgive yourself. Go here for a post about forgiveness and letting go. 

Tip six: Strengthen your self-soothing skills.  For a quick introduction check out these Emotional Fitness Exercises. 

Thank you for all you do

Remember to share all you find of value on the internet.  All who post crave recognition. A like says “Thank You.” Comments say you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: the blogger, the people you share with, and you for your kindness blesses you.

Katherine

Post Inspiration: How this post relates to this  WordPress Daily  Prompt: Territory

Territory refers to what we think of as our personal domain. We lock our doors to keep thieves out. We have to lock our hearts when it comes to attacks on our self-esteem. We need strong borders when it comes to  protecting our essential self.

That does not mean rejecting all criticism, but taking what helps make you a better person, and rejecting the rest.

Go here to learn more about the Daily Prompts.

Links of Interest

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Even the most learned researchers and therapists quarrel about much.  Take their advice and mine carefully.  Don’t just listen to your heart, but also think; don’t just think, listen to your heart.  Heart and head working together increase the odds you will find useful advice amid all the promises and hopes pushed at you be others.  As others have noted, take what seems useful, leave the rest.

Disclaimer two: Forgive my grammatical errors

If  you need perfect posts, you will not find them  here;  I will understand if you don’t follow, like or share what  like me.  Not only am I dealing with an aging brain, but all of my life I have been plagued by dysgraphia–a learning disability,  Some of my posts might be peppered with bad spelling, poor punctuation, and worse words that make no sense.  If  you want to hang in with me, thank you; you are kind. If a post doesn’t make sense or bugs you too much, stop reading, I will understand.